George Santayana once wrote, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
Ain’t that the truth.
It’s only by learning from our histories that we can make improvements for a better future. But without that introspection, we will foreseeably repeat the same mistakes and patterns until we finally wake up and realize the cause.
In this article, I want to share the most valuable discoveries I made over the past decade. Many of them I didn’t discover in a book; they only came from making countless mistakes, exploring, and learning from wiser people.
Yet once I finally grasped them, it changed how I approached my life — and I hope they help you too.
1. Health Is The Most Important Thing in Life
If you asked me, ten years ago, what’s the most important thing in life, I would’ve said: Happiness.
My answer now? Health. Because it’s mighty difficult to be happy if you have health problems. They’re exhausting, incessant, and depending on the situation, severely limiting your life.
It is health that is the real wealth, and not pieces of gold and silver.
— Mahatma Gandhi
Thankfully, you don’t need to turn health into an unhealthy obsession—it’s all about balance. Keep a healthy weight, exercise, eat healthy, brush your teeth, get enough sleep, wear sunscreen, and for the love of God, stop smoking. It’s not complicated.
Start today. You might not feel the effects of unhealthy habits now, but health problems have a way of popping up at inopportune moments. Also, if you have health issues, don’t let them linger: Get them checked out ASAP, get them solved, and get peace of mind.
(Happiness is still pretty damn important, though.)
2. Everyone Is Messed Up
Growing up with low self-esteem, I always believed everyone else knew more than me—I felt inferior by comparison and valued their opinions so highly.
The reality? We all have problems. No one has it “figured out,” no matter what they say. We’re all insecure and we’re all irrational. And while we might struggle to various degrees, this is the human experience.
Surprisingly, realizing we are all in the same boat helped me gain mental stability. I stopped thinking I was worse than others and putting people on a pedestal. And listening to what people said, I realized they often projected their own insecurities, fears, and problems onto everyone else:
In Alcoholics Anonymous there is a mantra, “If you spot it, you got it.” Everything the criticizer says, or projects, about another person, he himself also is and has. Criticizing is scapegoating… You can’t recognize something in someone else if you don’t understand it, and you can’t understand it unless you also have that same trait.
— Steven Ozanich
3. Find The Root Problems
I’ve studied personal development since 2010. After hundreds of books, I felt like a “new” person, but I didn’t realize how illusory it was. Because despite my “growth,” I kept hitting the same problems — and seeking more information, tactics, or guides just hid the fact I was lying to myself.
The real problem was, throughout my childhood, I learned I was unworthy. I learned that I didn’t matter. I learned to walk on eggshells. And this was the source of so many difficulties in life, yet many self-help strategies never addressed it or made up for those inner issues.
Unless you heal the root of a problem, the pain will not go away. You can hide from it, but the problem stays until you dig deep.
— Leon Brown
Self-help is valuable, but don’t let self-help get in the way of getting help. (Also, consider that a lot of it is written by people who have problems too.) Yet once you address your inner issues, the rest will fall into place naturally.
4. Friends May Come and Go
Sometimes, friends only stay in your life for a brief time as you move through different situations, cities, or periods of life. As you progress, they may no longer fit your life and you naturally drift apart.
That’s life.
When I think back on the friends I’ve had over the past decade, many were only there briefly. Sure, during those moments, I appreciated my friendships, but things change — and that’s okay.
Things can be transient in life. Whether it’s your partner, friend, or neighbor, people might come and go. It’s helpful to remember that because, if for whatever reason you drift apart, you’ll still be able to live your life, move on, and find new friendships.
5. You Can’t Watch Others
Over the years, I’ve been shocked by the number of people who I thought were doing great things, but were actually embellishing it. (Or they only shared the best parts of their lives while withholding the rest.)
But the truth is you have no idea what their lives are really like. Ultimately, there’s a big difference between looking happy and being happy.
We exaggerate misfortune and happiness alike. We are never as bad off or as happy as we say we are.
— Honore de Balzac
The less I watch others, the better I feel. And vice versa. Sure, I’m excited about other people’s successes and, sure, I can find inspiration in their stories. But I keep it on a “need-to-know” basis because the more time we spend looking at others, the worse we feel about our own lives.
Ultimately, the only person we need to watch is ourselves.
6. You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know
To create a bigger future, you need to expand what you know so you have more experiences and wisdom to use.
Some of that can come from books, but a much larger part comes from real experience. For example, traveling to a foreign country and spending several months there by yourself can teach you more than 100 books.
In life, seek real wisdom. Put yourself in new situations, not only to grow your comfort zone, but to reshape what you think is possible. You don’t know what you don’t know so experience new things—rather than stubbornly maintaining your way of life—and you’ll unlock many more possibilities.
To know that we know what we know, and that we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge.
— Confucius
7. The Past Is Fiction
Over the years, I worked through a lot of repressed pain, hurt, and anger. It brought tremendous growth, released many emotions, and changed my life.
But after a certain point, I had to stop “healing.” I had to let go of the past and live my life. Ultimately, the past is fiction. As Daniel Gilbert, Ph.D. explained, the past reflects more about how you feel today than you did in the past:
…people misremember their own pasts by recalling that they once thought, did, and said what they now think, do, and say. This tendency to fill in the holes in our memories of the past with material from the present is especially powerful when it comes to remembering our emotions.
Healing is important. But the purpose of healing is to move on from your past and embrace a brighter future. Because regardless of what happened, it’s the future you control and it’s the future that requires your attention right now.
8. You Cannot Out-Willpower Your Environment
Benjamin Hardy, Ph.D., author of Willpower Doesn’t Work, explained that it’s not your willpower that determines your success — it’s your environment:
A person’s environment forms every aspect of their lives, from their income to their value system to their waistline to their hobbies.… your potential is shaped by what surrounds you.… Who you become and what you do with your life are constrained by the people around you and the quality of information you consume.
In my life, I’ve found myself in limited environments. I kept trying and trying, but no amount of willpower could overcome it.
Is your current environment helping or hurting you? Don’t just grit your teeth and try to overcome a bad situation — you can’t. Be intentional with the environments you put yourself in. Once you change them to align with what you want, you’ll adapt, improve, and become a different person as a result.
9. Your Inner World Creates Your Outer World
Your outer world reflects how you feel inside—it reflects all the habitual thinking, beliefs, and mental models you have, whether they’re true or false.
Your thoughts, feelings, and visualized imagery are the organizing principles of your experience. The world within is the only creative power. Everything you find in your world of expression has been created by you in the inner world of your mind, whether consciously or unconsciously.
— Dr. Joseph Murphy
What you think and feel is always more impactful than what you do. For example, if you constantly believe in obstacles or limitations, you will find ways to subconsciously bring them into your life. Worse, you’ll blame external circumstances for your difficulties, never realizing that the origins came from within.
Yes, success takes hard work, courage, and more. But it also comes from a mindset and then using that way of thinking to manifest your results. Once you change the way you think—whether with reminders, affirmations, meditations, and more—you will change your life.
10. Time Matters
A huge factor that separates those who achieve their goals from those who don’t is urgency. Successful people value every moment. Rather than sitting and hoping, they make things happen; rather than waiting for the perfect time, they start now and learn as they go.
Too many people, however, live as if they have infinite time: They hesitate, delay, or make excuses on their plans while time keeps passing. Meanwhile, their life comes to a screeching halt.
The trouble is you think you have time.
— Buddha
Instead, understand that every moment is precious and that every day is an opportunity to accomplish what you want to achieve and experience.
As you do this more, you will travel incredible distances in your life —and you will live more in one year than many people will live in a lifetime.
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