Don’t worry: I won’t tell you to stop cracking your knuckles. (I still do it occasionally.) But to me, a successful life comes down to this fact:
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
—Will Durant
We are the sum of our habits. Thus, the key to creating a great life is to build good habits and eliminate bad ones. Yet of the many bad habits to avoid, there are quite a few common ones that get in the way of an optimal life. (And yes, I’ve had to quit several of these myself.)
I’ll skip the obvious ones—smoking, excessive drinking, etc.—and focus on the subtle ones in our social life, routines, and work that can really limit our success and happiness. Avoid these habits and you’ll watch your life soar.
1. Multitasking
Humans are terrible at multitasking, especially those who think they’re good at it. Trying to do several things at once kills our focus, hurts our performance, and leads to more stress and burnout. Yet at work, we end up switching tasks or getting interrupted every 3 minutes and 5 seconds.
Instead, practice single-tasking. Give your complete focus to each task. Then, shield yourself from distractions by putting your phone on Airplane Mode, closing everything you don’t need, and silencing notifications.
Not only will you do a better job on each task, but you’ll probably finish all of your tasks faster than if you tried to do everything at once.
2. Not Keeping Your Commitments
We make many commitments in life — big or small — but we don’t always keep them. For example, we say we’ll call someone back, but we don’t. Or we say we want to grab coffee with someone, but we never follow up.
Of course, life happens and we can’t always fulfill everything we say. But if you regularly fail to honor your commitments, it may signal that you aren’t reliable, don’t hold yourself accountable, or don’t value others.
Stop making commitments you can’t (or don’t want to) keep. Then, start meaning what you say — if you say you’ll do something, do it. This will build self-trust and integrity.
3. Using Electronics Before Bed
One of the best things you can do for your physical, mental, and emotional health is to get good sleep every night. Yet 90% of Americans use electronics before bed, which significantly affects your body’s circadian rhythm and makes it much harder to get deep, restful sleep.
Instead, stop using electronics within one hour of going to sleep. (If you really need to use your computer, use an app like f.lux that reduces the amount of blue light from your screen.) Also, put your phone on Airplane Mode or Do Not Disturb mode to block notifications while you’re sleeping.
4. Not Thanking People Who Help You
A surprising number of people overlook kind acts from others—they get help and profit from it, yet never say anything to those who helped.
But it seems a little deceptive to ask for help and not bother to give thanks for the support. Also, not thanking others can give someone a false sense of greatness because they might believe their success was “all them.” (It also makes it a lot less likely that people will help them in the future.)
Always thank those who helped you, whether it was small or big. Even if someone helped you five years ago, there’s still time to let them know how they impacted you.
5. Playing The Victim
It’s easy to blame outside factors for our struggles or wonder why other people get certain breaks that we don’t. But if you habitually feel like a victim, you’ll feel more resentful, reduce your self-efficacy, and stress yourself.
Yes, there are problems and obstacles that make it harder to succeed. But there’s still so much in your control to create the life you want—after all, no one’s stopping you from learning, working hard, meeting experts, and more.
Do what you can with what you have. Take responsibility for your life. Once you do, you’ll take more action and your life will grow as a result.
6. Checking Your Phone First Thing In The Morning
76% of people check their phone within the first 30 minutes of the day. But when you start your day by consuming information, checking notifications, and responding to messages, you put yourself in a state of reaction.
You just started the day and you’re no longer in control. You haven’t taken one step toward your priorities, but you’re filling your mind with distractions and tasks before you can even do anything about them yet.
Instead, use your mornings to set the tone for the day. Focus on your highest priorities first, whether that’s your health, your family, your life goals, etc. Take control of your day before it takes control of you.
7. Being Passive
The majority of people in our culture are passive; our society has conditioned them to be afraid to speak out and share their opinions.
— Marilyn Sorensen, Ph.D.
When there are problems in your relationships, job, or daily life, many people say nothing—they quietly accept the situation and hide their feelings for fear of causing problems or hurting people’s feelings.
Yet the only way to solve problems and have a healthy and happy relationship is to be honest and vulnerable. If you have a concern, say something in a respectful way. Don’t be rude or passive-aggressive; just be open and give other people an opportunity to address it.
8. Resenting Others
I’ve met people who, outwardly, were very successful and polite, but inwardly, harbored negative, contemptuous thoughts about everyone around them.
Yet when you harbor vile and bitter thoughts about your colleagues, people below you, etc., the only person you hurt is yourself because you are the one who’s thinking it. Also, you have to constantly lie to prevent others from knowing your true feelings.
If you frequently resent people for being stupid, lazy, [insert political party here], or whatever, I urge you to let go of your hatred because it’ll hurt your life more than you can imagine.
9. Being Chronically Late
We all run a few minutes late occasionally so that’s no problem—the problem is when someone’s constantly late to activities, appointments, meetings, etc., and causes problems because of it.
How you do one thing is how you do everything. Chronic tardiness can reveal someone who’s disorganized or disrespectful. If your approach to life is to see how long you can wait before you start (or before people get mad at you), it will affect your life in countless ways.
Start arriving on time—or early—to events and hold yourself accountable to the times you agree to.
10. Perfectionism
Perfectionism hurts your creativity, performance, and growth—you’ll avoid situations that involve failure and overthink everything. Research shows it’s linked to higher levels of workaholism, stress, anxiety, and depression while generating almost no additional gains in performance.
It can also cause internal feelings of unworthiness and failure and even serve as a means of avoidance.
Stop measuring yourself to impossibly high standards. Strive for your best, but allow yourself to be imperfect.
11. Being Reactive
Proactivity is a hallmark of successful people. Whenever there’s a problem, they don’t shrug their shoulders, say, “It’s not my job,” and let someone else handle it—they volunteer themselves and fix the issue without worrying about who gets credit.
Be proactive in life because proactive people move things forward. Don’t wait for other people to make the first move. (Often, if you do, you’ll be waiting for a long time.) Make things happen, lead from the front, and let people follow.
12. Focusing on the Negative
Believe it or not, many people don’t want to be happy. They enjoy complaining, focusing on the bad, or finding things to get mad about — even when things are fine — and their negativity spreads just like a disease.
But negativity becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you focus on it, the more you’ll see it, and it’ll create a downward spiral.
What you focus on grows, what you think about expands, and what you dwell upon determines your destiny.
— Robin S. Sharma
Are there problems in the world? Sure. But don’t ignore the good. Because when you look at it objectively, the world is better now than at any other time in human history. (But that’s not what the news will tell you.)
I understand life can be difficult at times. (I’ve gone through rough patches myself.) But focusing on the negative just wires you to feel miserable and unhappy. And the sad part is you’ll attract more negativity, problems, and difficulties into your life by your own doing.
Instead, spend time appreciating the good things in life. What can you be grateful for right now? Remember: What you focus on expands so, the more you think about what’s great, the more you’ll see it in your world.
Leave a Reply