I received a very long email a few hours ago from a member of my family with an unannounced critique of my life. I only caught two phrases, “you don’t listen to my seasoned knowledge” and “you are wasting your time”, before I deleted it. It was in response to some news regarding a potential internship with a fitness coach I respect and admire.
With such uplifting news, I was shocked at the flood of criticism and judgement. I thought the opportunity presented a refreshing turn-of-events and a great opportunity to learn.
But I knew better. This person had a history of blurting insincere statements and sending harsh, contemptuous emails. I’ve learn to value this individual’s opinion like I value a papercut.
Yet, I’m not writing this to elicit sympathy or sorrow; rather, I seek to demonstrate the power of crabs and how they can damage your life if unchecked.
Now, just what are crabs?
– The Crabs –
Have you ever been to a seafood market, wharf, or pier?
If you’ve noticed, fisherman generally pile their live crabs in a bucket with no lid. If only one crab is inside, it will easily climb out. However, once more are added, none can escape; as soon as one crab tries to flee the bucket, the other crabs will pull it back inside.
Thus, the crab mentality was born.
[In the Commonwealth, I believe it’s called the “Tall Poppy Syndrome.”]
Now, this behavior is quite analogous to life: when an individual tries to improve, sometimes people will notice and resent it; they will find ways to discourage them and drag them back to their old ways.
Maybe the crabs are jealous. Maybe the individual’s improvement subtly criticizes the vaporous habits of the crabs. Or maybe the crabs’ self-worth is derived from their relative superiority to others. They could be your acquaintances, close friends, or even your relatives. Whatever the reason, crabs live everywhere and pose a detrimental impact to your life.
“First they ignore you,
Then they laugh at you,
Then they fight you,
Then you win.”
– Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
– Beating The Crabs? –
[Ahhh, there’s a trick in that title, but I’ll get to it in a minute.]
The key to overcoming crabs is to ignore them and remove them from your life. Harboring them only damages yourself and increases the difficulty of your path. Look, if a restaurant gave you food-poisoning every time, why would you keep going back? Because you have fucking coupons??
As Mehdi from StrongLifts.com said so perfectly:
“Say that once I can take it. Say that over & over, you’re becoming a problem.”
Using that logic, when I received that painful email, I knew its rightful place was in the trash. While there’s nothing wrong with criticism in its own right, when it becomes denigration with increased frequency, it becomes a handicap.
However, “beating” the crabs is a poor way to think. You should never choose a path in life out of spite. In such a scenario, who is in control? You? Guess again.
Follow a path because it is yours and nobody else’s. Because it’s something you love and that brings you great joy. And not because you hope to vanquish your detractors – they can’t help who they are anyway.
– Life Outside The Bucket –
I won’t lie: this particular crab still bothers me sometimes. But not that badly. Not like before, when I didn’t understand the situation.
Sometimes, I wondered – and maybe you too -, “what if my [insert close family member here] is a crab?”
Well, I believe the solution is still the same. Now, I didn’t say it wasn’t hard; I just said the solution is the same.
There’s a saying by Epictetus I took the trouble to memorize, and hopefully, it sheds light on the beauty and power of each individual and how we can all strive to overcome our crabs. It goes like this:
“Men are disturbed not by things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen.”
[tweetbutton]
Well put, Anthony!