During the height of the pandemic—while I was stuck in one of the poorest countries in Europe—I found myself in a neurologist’s office, trying to figure out some health issues I was dealing with.
After doing a series of tests, he ultimately said I was fine. But as we chatted more, he made a simple, yet powerful diagnosis that tremendously affected my life. But it wouldn’t have made an impact if I did have any self-awareness. (More on this story later.)
Why Self-Awareness Is The Most Important Life Skill
To know what you know and what you do not know, that is true knowledge.
—Confucius
One of my family members has always had issues with their coworkers and managers, no matter what company or job. But this person is also combative and disagreeable—so while, to them, it’s always other people who are the problem, in reality, it’s probably them.
These situations happen a lot. The unfortunate thing is that those people don’t even realize they’re doing it to themselves. But the more unfortunate thing is that we’re doing the same things in our lives but we don’t even realize it either.
You can’t fix what you don’t know is broken.
That is why self-awareness is the most important life skill you can build.
If you want to achieve incredible heights in your life, self-awareness helps you find your weaknesses so you can improve them. I’m not even talking about superficial things like productivity, job skills, or fitness; I’m talking about deeper personality traits, temperament, and behaviors.
For example, someone might give off a condescending, combative vibe without knowing—over their life, it might hold them back from job promotions, life partners, happier friendships, and more. They’ll always wonder why they struggle in life, but they’ll never know how their behaviors or beliefs hold them back. And if you tell them about their issue, they’ll deny it (or even attack you) and say that they’re perfectly fine (and it’s everyone else who’s wrong).
Self-awareness can also improve the quality of your life. Because even if you have millions of dollars and travel the world in luxury, if you still have serious problems that are sabotaging you, you will never be free. You will always be blocked by something you aren’t consciously aware of.
To be aware of a single shortcoming in oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in someone else.
— Dalai Lama
In my life, only after I could admit I had certain issues, barriers, or bad habits — and even notice them in the first place — could I finally start to fix them and improve my life. It took many years of trial and error with all kinds of different strategies, but I want to share the three most simple and powerful steps I found to help you transform your self-awareness.
How to Build More Self-Awareness In 3 Steps
Step One: Practice Mindfulness
It’s astonishing how oblivious we can be to our own emotions: We get stressed or frustrated without even noticing and those feelings can control our lives.
One of the easiest and most timeless solutions is meditation. Through meditation, you become aware of your thoughts and feelings. You don’t block them or force your mind to be quiet; instead, you watch and feel what’s going on at that very moment without judging it or trying to change it.
Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.
—Eckhart Tolle
While some might take a few breaths or listen to soothing music to become more mindful, there’s no substitute for being alone with your thoughts. It can be a surprisingly uncomfortable experience that brings up many difficult emotions. (I’m not a meditation expert, but I think that really shows the power of taking time to sit and be present.)
By meditating regularly, you strengthen your ability to become aware of all of your thoughts, patterns, and behaviors. When you get upset, you can actually feel it happening within you. That way, rather than getting carried away by the emotion, you can watch it so it doesn’t control you, which helps you keep your peace of mind.
For example, some days I can feel I’m more irritable than normal for no reason. I don’t judge it; I just become aware of it so it doesn’t control me. Yet if I was oblivious to it, I would just blame other things or people for “pissing me off” when, in reality, it was just coming from within.
Step Two: Journal
Journaling can be an incredible form of healing and growth—it helps you uncover negative patterns, deal with problems, and create better self-talk.
It was through journaling where I discovered many deep-seated issues due to my programming, traumas, or defensive mechanisms that were holding me back. And by realizing those negative beliefs and patterns, I was able to make serious progress to overcome them.
What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.
— Abraham Maslow
Journal what makes you sad, mad, or even joyful. Journal about the areas in life where you’re struggling so you can uncover any mental blocks you’re unaware of. This is a powerful step in understanding your patterns, beliefs, and behaviors so you can gain more awareness, improve any trouble areas, and move forward with your life.
Step Three: Ask Yourself a Very Simple Question
Sometimes, people will give you critiques and feedback. Now, if one person says something, it’s a small sample size so you can take it with a grain of salt. But if everyone says it, then there’s a good chance there’s some truth to it.
The question I’ve learned to ask myself in these moments is very simple and can open up many opportunities for growth:
Am I in denial?
It’s a simple as that.
If there’s an issue I’m having, asking that question forces me to be honest with myself. It also forces me to start with myself first before I even consider looking at or blaming other people.
Back in the neurologist’s office during the pandemic, the doctor explained that I was very healthy—but he also said that he noticed I had some anxiety, which could be causing my lingering health issues.
At first, I tried to deny it. I told him that I meditate every day. I journal. I exercise. I have a low-stress job. I sleep eight hours every night. I went on and on pleading my case, but then I realized: I was in denial.
Because I’ve actually heard people occasionally say I was anxious over the years. And with that, the walls came down.
“Just tell me, Doctor,” I said, looking him square in the eye. “Am I anxious?”
“That’s what I’m telling you,” the neurologist said with a gentle smile.
I sighed. “Okay,” I replied.
And with that, the healing began. I didn’t have to fight it any longer. I didn’t have to pretend I was “right” when I wasn’t. I stopped ignoring issues that shouldn’t be ignored. And even though it wasn’t the greatest news, it opened a new opportunity to enhance the rest of my life.
The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.
— Nathaniel Branden
I’m not going to lie: Self-awareness is difficult and, sometimes, painful. Admitting your shortcomings is hard, especially as you realize the problems it may have caused throughout your entire life without you knowing.
But as Socrates wrote, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”
And he was right.
Examine your life. Become aware of what’s going on inside and you’ll see that it enhances your life in ways you might not even realize at this moment.
Come back to yourself and become aware of everything that’s going on inside you and around you.
That’s what life is all about.
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