I was lied to for much of my life—many of the things I thought were true weren’t and many of the things I thought weren’t true were.
I had to learn new principles for myself from reading, listening, and making mistakes. And while some were straightforward, others conflicted with previous beliefs and humbled me as I realized was misguided for so long.
I’ll share the ten critical truths that transformed my life. But I urge you to read them with an open mind; you might not like some of them, but maybe—just maybe—it means that they’re true.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
— Arthur Schopenhauer
Once I accepted them, it changed how I approached happiness, success, and more—I hope they help you too.
1. If You Can’t Be Happy Now, You Can’t Be Happy Later
If you’re not happy right now, with all of life’s imperfections, you won’t be happy after you get everything you want. Because you’ll be always looking for happiness from things outside of you — things you have little control over.
In fact, once we get something and feel “happy,” we quickly adapt and feel less happy. Then, we try to get something else and repeat this cycle, which is called the “hedonic treadmill.”
Instead, learn to be happy right now because happiness is a state of mind, not an achievement. Stop attaching happiness to possessions, accomplishments, entertainment, or relationships—rather than other things giving you joy (or numbing your unhappiness), bring your own joy.
Also, work toward your goals without attaching your happiness to them. You’ll enjoy the journey in a detached way because it’s won’t be the source of your happiness; instead, your happiness will come from within.
Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will evade you, but if you notice the other things around you, it will gently come and sit on your shoulder.
― Henry David Thoreau
2. You Are Always Good Enough — No Matter What
Many people believe they aren’t good enough. Whether they were directly or indirectly taught that, it has a powerful impact. Many spend their lives chasing an impossible level of perfection, seeking approval, and proving their worth. They exhaust themselves to meet expectations, turn life into a competition, and still feel they’re “not good enough.”
Yet who you are is always good enough no matter what you do or don’t do. No amount of success will make you feel “good enough” if you don’t believe you are already. We all have innate worth and it’s critical to remember that.
Sure, we can become more wealthy, learn new skills, or improve our health, but who we are as humans is fine just the way it is. Once you realize this, your self-worth and confidence will soar.
3. You Were Programmed
You might hate me for this, but here goes:
Many things you think you want are just things your family, society, or culture taught you to want. And if you only do things because everyone told you to, you’ll always feel unfulfilled and unhappy.
What do you actually like and want? What are you passionate about? You need to answer these questions and think for yourself. The people who are living the best lives are passionate about something and dedicating their lives to it.
Once you find your purpose, life will grow because it gives you the fuel to improve your life, the direction to guide your journey, and the motivation to overcome any obstacles.
4. You Control Your Life
Until you take full ownership of your life and situation, you will never be satisfied. Complaining about the obstacles, people, or circumstances holding you back only strengthens them while making you a victim.
Let’s be honest: No one is stopping you from learning what you need to learn or taking action with whatever you have. Not your race. Not your job. Not your kids. Nothing.
You already have everything you need to be successful. Use what you already have; only then will life reward you with more. Remember: No one is coming to save you — so if you don’t like your current life, save yourself.
The sooner you realize this, the sooner you’ll be free.
5. Ignore the Noise
As you grow, you’ll face resistance — criticism, naysayers, etc. — but most of it is just noise from people who live in fear.
Few people live life on their own terms; many live a life without purpose or driven by expectations. As a result, their advice is distorted: They project their unhappiness onto you and convince you that life is hard and you can’t have what you want. Then, you learn to settle rather than try to change things.
But why listen to them? Why listen to people who avoid their dreams, live an unintentional life, and take whatever comes their way?
I do not take constructive criticism from people who have never constructed anything.
— Eric Thomas
The brutal truth is not everyone wants you to succeed; as you grow, some will even try to bring you down.
Ignore the noise, set your own rules in life, and be free.
6. Many People Fake Happiness and Success
A lot of people exaggerate their happiness and success (especially on social media). Often, the people who claim they’re the happiest are usually the least. If anything, people who are successful and happy aren’t spending their days telling everyone; they’re actually living it.
We exaggerate misfortune and happiness alike. We are never as bad off or as happy as we say we are.
— Honore de Balzac
Stop watching and comparing yourself to others—it’ll only make you feel inadequate and “behind.” Remember, life isn’t a competition. Focus on your own goals and priorities.
7. Most Things Are Unimportant
Nowadays, we’re constantly bombarded with information and controversy, yet almost all of it is unimportant to your life, happiness, goals, and more.
It’s a ridiculous waste of time and energy to worry, stress, or rage about things that are outside of your control and have zero impact on your life. Yet I regularly see people get mad about something happening that doesn’t affect them and ruin their days because of it.
Learn to be ignorant about things that are worth being ignorant about. Focus on what Stephen Covey calls the “Circle of Influence” — the things you can actually influence by your actions (or non-actions) like your health, attitude, and knowledge. You’ll feel empowered and use your energy more effectively.
8. Knowledge Comes From Doing, Not Studying
Self-improvement is great, but to make the most of it, you must use what you learned. Books give you direction, but you have to walk your own path.
There comes a point in your life when you need to stop reading other people’s books and write your own.
— Albert Einstein
True learning comes from doing, not studying; you can’t master information without using it. To be more wise and successful, stop waiting for the perfect moment, start taking action, and correct course along the way.
Embrace failure and get comfortable making mistakes — it’ll make you stronger and teach you more than you could learn in any book.
9. What You Demand From Life, You Must Demand From Yourself
Many people have life backward — they want to have countless things, but don’t make the effort to create it in themselves. For example, they want to have an ambitious and fit life partner, yet have no level of ambition or fitness.
The best way to get what you want in life is to create it from within first. If you want a happy life, start being happy. If you want a great job, become a great employee. If you want intelligent friends, become more intelligent. By becoming the person you want to be, you’ll have the things you want to have.
10. You Don’t Get This Time Back
Time flies — what are you going to do about it?
Well-meaning people say, “It’s never too late.” They’re not wrong, but they’re not right either. Sure, it’s never “too late,” but it’s possible to wait “too long.”
Many people lack urgency. Rather than being earnest with each day and taking action now, they hesitate, delay, and make excuses. Yet urgency isn’t about stress; it’s about realizing each moment is precious, not wasting time, and using each day because they don’t come back.
To remind me that time is passing, I use the Stoic principle of Memento Mori (“remember you will die”), which motivates me to seize each day. The longer you take to get started, the longer it takes to get to where you want to go. Why wait any longer?
Measure the cost of inaction, realize the unlikelihood and repairability of most missteps, and develop the most important habit of those who excel and enjoy doing so: action.
— Tim Ferriss
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