We live in a stressful world.
Our stress levels are higher than ever — we’re under more pressure and the COVID-19 pandemic has only made things worse. In fact, the American Psychological Association stated: “We are facing a national mental health crisis that could yield serious health and social consequences for years to come.”
The situation looks grim.
But what if I told you “stress” could actually be a good thing?
In fact, by learning how to use stress correctly and by changing the way we view it, we can manage our stress better and actually boost our stress tolerance and recovery — that way, we can calmly handle more challenges in life without feeling frustrated, anxious, or strained. Here’s how:
How Stress Can Help
Let’s start by clarifying the different kinds of stress. The common view of stress is what’s known as “distress” — stress that’s perceived as a kind of threat. For example, working in a toxic environment, being stuck in abusive relationships, poor lifestyle choices, etc. can bring tremendous suffering into your life.
Distress is the traditional “bad” stress we often refer to and this is the kind of stress to be avoided or replaced (which I’ll explain later). It leads to mental health issues as well as physical issues like increased risk of diseases.
On the other hand, there’s a kind of stress called “eustress.” Eustress is a “positive stress” that actually offers many benefits. For example, while exercise itself is technically a stressor, it makes you healthier and fitter over time.
Or, if you’re afraid of public speaking, eustress could be practicing speaking in front of a group. At first, you’ll feel stressed, nervous, and uncomfortable, but this kind of practice will help you improve and overcome your fears. As you continue to practice, public speaking will gradually become less stressful.
The problem, however, is when we start to think that all forms of stress are “bad,” and as a result, we try to eliminate stress as much as we can. We stop doing stressful things, avoid any stressful situations, and try not to push ourselves too hard.
Ironically, by doing this, we actually make our lives more stressful. By figuratively wrapping ourselves in bubble wrap, we lose our resilience, toughness, and tenacity, and we become far more sensitive. As a result, when we inevitably face problems, inconveniences, or setbacks — however minor — we feel more stressed and tend to get thrown off by everything in life.
That’s why the idea of trying to avoid all stress is short-sighted. In fact, if you truly want to become “successful,” you need stress in your life to push yourself beyond what you’re currently capable of; you need stress to test your abilities and let you know where you need to improve.
And that’s why you’ll never meet one single successful person who never had to challenge themselves, endure painful moments, overcome obstacles, feel uncomfortable, deal with imposter syndrome, and more.
“The secret to success, my friends, is not to try to avoid or get rid of or shrink from your problems; the secret is to grow yourself so that you are bigger than any problem.”
— T. HARV EKER
The real formula to manage stress is to increase your ability to handle difficulties and challenges without feeling stressed. It’s about building a bigger capacity to handle whatever life throws your way. It’s about changing your mindset to turn distress into eustress and reap the rewards in your life.
Here’s how:
Change How You View Stress
Stress comes down to perception.
How do you view your current challenging situation? How do you feel about the difficulties you’re facing? Do you feel like you’re in control of them or do you feel like they’re in control of you?
Whether you see stress as positive or negative, it often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: If you think it’s going to be horrible, it will be horrible; if you think it’s going to be great, it will be great.
For example, if you run 10 kilometers while cursing, gritting your teeth, and hating it, you’ll feel more exhausted by the end. But if you do that same run while feeling calm, controlling your breathing, and enjoying the scenery, you’ll feel much less fatigued. (You’ll also physically recover faster than if you thought it was torture.)
In an article from the Harvard Business Review, researchers found that acknowledging and changing how you see your stress can transform your results:
“Our research with Peter Salovey and Shawn Achor has shown that individuals who view stress as debilitating tend to either over or under react to stress whereas those with a “stress is enhancing” mindset have a more moderate cortisol response to stress and are more willing to seek out and be open to feedback during stress, which can help them learn and grow for the longer-term.”
Back in early 2020, I joined an intensive language school while running my business. It felt like having two full-time jobs — I usually started my work or study at 7 am, I didn’t finish until about 9 pm (or later), and I rarely had time to take a break.
Surprisingly, I never felt burnt out. Why? Because I had fun!I was excited about my opportunity. Sure, I felt pressure, but I was doing what I dreamed of and I knew it was making me stronger as a person.
“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.”
— Hans Selye
When faced with a stressful situation, think about what you can gain from it. Talk about how excited you are to face the challenge. Consider how it could apply to other areas of your life. Find a goal or purpose to motivate you to overcome the hardships and discomfort you might face.
One powerful way is to change the words you use. Improving your self-talk makes a huge difference in reducing stress and boosting your performance. Instead of saying things like, “I hate this, it’s hopeless, etc.,” you can say, “I’m going to rise above this, I’m going to try my best, etc.”
Change How You View Yourself
If you feel upset and need to “heal” every time you deal with an obstacle, random asshole, or defeat, you’ll always have to heal. So rather than constantly comforting or coddling yourself, build thicker skin so that the setbacks of life (or the jerks of the world) don’t affect you as much.
To do so, change how you view yourself. See yourself as a person who doesn’t get knocked down by life. Start thinking of yourself as resilient — that when people push you around or shit happens in life, you’re the kind of person who can rise above it and succeed.
One powerful solution is to adopt a “growth mindset” (instead of a “fixed” mindset). A growth mindset believes that success, talent, skill, and intelligence are not “fixed” or “innate” things — they’re changeable with effort, practice, study, etc. It’s a belief that, while you might not be good at something right now, you can improve over time.
With this mindset, stressful moments won’t hurt you as much because you’ll begin to see those obstacles differently. They become teaching moments that are a part of your journey. All it takes is more effort and “bouncebackability” and you can get where you want to go.
“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.”
— Robert Kennedy
Regularly (and Voluntarily) Stress Yourself
“The more you schedule and practice discomfort deliberately, the less unplanned discomfort will throw off your life and control your life.”
— Tim Ferriss
Instead of trying to shield yourself from stress, I highly encourage you to regularly practice dealing with challenges. The more you embrace discomfort, the more comfortable it becomes.
Adding more stress into your life and acclimating to it is a kind of “stress inoculation training.” By practicing adversity and gradually increasing its difficulty, you increase the amount of stress you can handle while maintaining peak performance, peace of mind, a positive attitude, and more.
For example, for almost two years, I only took icy cold showers to train myself to handle challenges. While there were (many) times I didn’t want freezing water to hit my body, once I got going, I got used to it. I even used to have an embarrassing subway card because I wanted to feel awkward and uncomfortable every time I used it. Pretty soon, I stopped caring.
This also strengthens your emotions. As you get more comfortable with the uncomfortable, your body will better regulate and handle those emotions.
You’ll learn how to dust yourself off and keep moving forward.
That is how you become successful.
Leave a Reply