I’m holding a Kleenex in my hand to wipe away the tears of joy.

Why?

Because I finally finished my month-long Tinder experiment.

FUCK YES! WOOHOO!

Before I pop the champagne and drink myself stupid for a job well done, I want to summarize the month, go over what I learned, and discuss how it could help you with your datings. (The “s” is added on purpose.)

If you’re JUST coming to the party, (1) what the fuck and (2) click the links below:

Here’s my Week One recap.
Here’s my Week Two and Three.

And now, the results of my experiment…

Tinder Experiment Final Tally:

Denver Matches: 3
Portland Matches: 1
Match Rate: less than 0.66%
Tinder Dates: 1
Tinder Spam: A lot

How was my Tinder date?

Actually, it wasn’t half-bad.

I kept things simple: we explored the Downtown Denver, ate some dessert, and had a good ol’ platonic time.

I didn’t want to lead her on because, to be honest, I knew there was no Date Number Two. But it’s not because I met her on Tinder; it’s because I didn’t like her like that.

Like I said, it wasn’t an awful date. In fact, I had fun! (And she certainly passed the “eye test.”) So what gives?

It’s that “connection” thing-a-muh-jigger: personality, vibe, how she treats others, etc. I’ve been far more certain about girls in the past so I knew my apprehension was a bad sign. Oh well.

Things I Learned: Tinder Edition

After four weeks and a sprained right thumb, I noticed a few things from my experiment about human behavior, deep psychology, and internal fears.

Just kidding. (lolz)

Read on for what I REALLY learned.

Tinder is a great app

Technology-wise, I think the app is solid.

• It’s easy-to-use, intuitive, and simple. I like the messaging interface because it’s so similar to iPhone’s setup and I like that it’s easy to unmatch with someone if they’re a spam bot (which they often were).
• A six-photo limit is a great idea. I’ve seen three-photo limits with other apps and I think that’s TOO little.
• For the profile, 500 characters is more than enough if you’re tight with your description. By comparison, when I did my OkCupid experiment, I often felt like committing hara kiri with butter knife after reading those painfully long profiles from girls who loved themselves WAY too much.
• Tinder also allows for complete freedom, which is better than Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB). CMB holds your hand to make a profile and fills in phrases for you.

This is experiment was a bust

When I decided to document my month-long Tinder trial, I thought it would be fun to highlight the dates, the conversations, the messages, and the ensuing weirdness.

Ultimately, however, I couldn’t get this fucker off the ground.

Sure, I got some advice here and there about what to say when messaging a girl on Tinder. But it’s worthless if you only score 4 matches in one month, one of whom was as boring as watching CSPAN at 3am and another who never responded.

Bummer.

“Well, it’s an experiment, right? I doesn’t really mean anything right?”

Well, it means something… but it doesn’t mean, for example, that all hope is lost.

[Online dating] is in the eyes of the beholder.

To me, these results simply mean that Tinder just isn’t for me.

Initially, I was frustrated with my lackluster results on Tinder because I heard how many matches OTHER people were getting. Most dudes I talked to said they landed anywhere from 5 – 10 matches per week (sometimes more).

“Okay,” I thought as I rubbed my hands together. “This should be interesting.”

Huge letdown.

But as the weeks progressed, I cared less and less because I repegged my expectations. Not my expectations in terms of, “Oh, I just use Tinder as a game,” but my expectations in terms of knowing that for every 150 right swipes, I’ll get approximately one match.

Now, to be fair, I know several people that do quite well on it. They get a lot of matches from cool, attractive women, they go on great dates, and they even get a relationship or two out of it.

And, statistically speaking, if you’re an attractive (Asian) female, all you have to do is lick your finger, hold it in the air, and you’ll hoards of men — and yes, some good ones too — asking you for dates.

For others, however, they face an uphill battle for reasons beyond their control. Maybe they don’t take good photos, aren’t wordsmiths, are short, are black women, etc.

For me, I have yet to get decent results from my online dating experiments, which his precisely (1) why I did this experiment in the first place and (2) why I won’t pursue it further. (FYI, I deleted Tinder last week.)

Yeah sure, there are paid services like Match or Chemistry, but I feel like it’s the equivalent of jumping from diet to diet hoping that the next one will do it for you when — in reality — you just need to get off your ass and do something.

But I have to admit that if I did well on Tinder (based on the results that other people have told me), I’d keep it. Shit, it’s a no brainer! All I have to do is sit there, swipe right a couple of times per day, and every week I’ll get 5 – 10 matches from attractive women. From there, I’ll average roughly a date per week… WITHOUT TALKING TO A SINGLE GIRL IN REAL LIFE.

I’d be stupid NOT to do it!

Which leads me to my next point…

Offline dating is better for me

For every 150 right-swipes, I’ll get roughly one match. With so few matches, it was hard to estimate how many matches would lead to a date, but since I got four matches and one date during the trial month, let’s just assume it’s somewhere between 20 – 30%.

Crunching the numbers further, that means I have to do roughly 500 to 750 right-swipes to get one new girl in the pipeline.

THAT’S A LOT OF FUCKING WORK.

Holy shit. Muh’fuckers think picking up girls on the street is a lot of work?! That is NOTHING compared to ONE ENTIRE MONTH of daily Tindering.

It’s also a lot of time I have to spend staring at my fucking phone — which I already try to minimize — just to get another Tinder date. (I can make a similar conclusion when including my OkCupid results.)

With all that effort I wasted in updating photos, changing profiles, swiping, messaging, etc., I’d rather put my laptop in a bag, grab a cup of coffee, walk into Powell Books in Downtown Portland, and see how many girls I can talk to.

The answer, after four minutes on ho-hum Wednesday afternoon, was ONE 15-minute conversation.

That’s not a brag, by the way. I’m not a “player.” (Trust me.)

I’m just trying to show that it’s FAR EASIER for me to meet women in-person.

And it’s a lot less work.

Over the years, I’ve learned to enjoy that process: the conversation, the butterflies, the connection, and the randomness. (Some people don’t and that’s okay too.) If I see something I like, I put myself in position and go for it: I don’t have wait for her to accept me by right-swiping before I say anything.

Better still, I get to focus on enjoying their personality and building a connection, which — correct me if I’m wrong — is what dating is all about.

And when I really think about it, many of the girls I went out with over the years would probably have NOT right-swiped me on Tinder in the first place.

Finding a “connection” with online dating is the challenge

I’ll give you an example:

Let’s say I meet a girl at… I don’t know… the post office. (Oooh, so sexy.) Anyway, our hands touch while we’re trying to steal those pens that are tethered to the table with a thin chain and scotch tape.

“Hi,” I say.
“Hi,” she says.

We talk. We banter. I say something. She busts my balls. I like it. I bust her balls. She likes it. She says something unique about herself. I really like it. Vice versa. We agree to meet again and I get her number.

But to me, that connection is what creates such a strong attraction. Yeah, a hot girl is hot. Good job, ma’am. You have good genes. So what?

Having a unique bond makes that partnership come alive.

It makes for better dates. It makes for better sex. And it makes for better relationships.

With online dating, however, it’s hard to develop that kind of synergy online (especially through a limited medium). In fact, you already know a lot about this person!

Thus, when you meet each other for the first time in-person, part of goal is (1) to make sure they live up to their expectations and (2) to develop that spark from thin air because there’s little context compared to the sample encounter at the post office.

And if that connection isn’t there, you’re shit out of luck.

So what’s next?

It’s time to move on. Not to another dating app or website — God forbid! — but back to real life.

Since starting the experiment (and NOT including my trip to Portland), I may have talked to a grand total of 3 random girls, which is VERY low for me. Not sure why, though. Just haven’t felt it.

But that’s how it works.

With everything, there are ebbs and flows — you have to enjoy the peaks and valleys because they are points on the same curve. Somedays, it’s like taking candy from a baby; other days, it’s like trying to ride a unicycle up Mt. Everest.

Also, I don’t care enough to do another experiment. (At least, anytime soon.) There’s so many things on my plate right now — business ventures, work contracts, personal writing, Costa Rica, the Spartan Race World Championship, etc. — that finding “The One” through artificial mechanisms isn’t a top priority.

Don’t get me wrong: I’ll still approach girls I like in real life.

I’ll just keep it going in the background like an iPhone app as opposed to something top-of-mind or in-your-face.

[Side note: I often have guys ask me how I talk to girls. I’m not an expert, but if you want to learn more, shoot me a message and we can figure out the details.]

One last thing

Before I end this article, I’d like to do one thing:

I want to take time to thank you for coming along for the ride.

I felt like a lot of you were active participants in the journey and — for the love of God — I hope I added a shred of value to your online dating life with these articles.

I also wish I could’ve given you a better (and more erotic) saga of my Tinder exploits.

But such is online dating.

And while it might not seem I have a heart (it’s in there somewhere, I swear!), I truly believe everyone deserves to have someone special in their life.

I wish you the best of luck in finding that magic.

Thanks for reading.