What makes some people more likable than others?
Some people just seem to have “it.” When you talk to them, it’s an enjoyable experience—you feel a spark, you feel a buzz that lasts long after your conversation, and you go from perfect strangers to good friends.
Fortunately, becoming likable isn’t a complex or elaborate process — it’s actually something anyone can do rather effortlessly. I’ll share 5 super simple things that can help you enhance your charisma in a genuine and sincere way so you can create deeper connections that can last a lifetime.
1. Like Others
Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, ‘Make me feel important.’ Never forget this message when working with people.
— Mary Kay Ash
Here’s a counterintuitive truth to being likable: It isn’t as much about people liking you as it is about you liking other people.
Being likable comes from making other people feel important and making them the star, not yourself. (Trying to make people like you, however, can lead to neediness and approval-seeking behavior.) It’s not the result of being interesting; it’s the result of being interested. And by doing it genuinely and authentically, that, in turn, will make you more likable.
A simple way to do so is to appreciate people. When they say something unique or admirable, don’t just say a cliched, “Wow, nice” (which sounds uncaring); praise what they did and explain why. For example, say that you admire how they overcame adversity. It shows that you empathize with them, which makes them feel valued and understood.
Also, take a backseat to others. Be interested in their stories and experiences—even if they’re talking about something you enjoy or are an expert in. Give them the chance to tell you how much they enjoy it and leave your ego behind. That way, you won’t look like you’re trying to hog the attention.
That is how to become likable.
2. Be Imperfect
The most likable people I know are all open about their faults, failures, or problems. They don’t hide them, feel ashamed, or blame others—they embrace it.
This is because of the Pratfall Effect: People who make occasional mistakes are perceived as more likable than those who never make mistakes. It actually draws people closer to you and makes you seem more human while perfection creates distance and an unattractive feeling of invincibility.
In general, people are not drawn to perfection in others. People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems… Humans connect with humans. Hiding one’s humanity and trying to project an image of perfection makes a person vague, slippery, lifeless and uninteresting.
—Dr. Robert Glover
Perfection is unrealistic: Everyone, no matter how successful, deals with shit at times. It’s just that likable people are honest about the shit they deal with. Meanwhile, people who portray themselves as “perfect”—who never reveal their mistakes or problems—can come across as insincere or boastful.
To be imperfect is beautiful; to be imperfect is human. Admit your foibles and flaws. If you have an accent, a body issue, a limitation, etc., don’t hide it. And when people ask you, “How have you been?” don’t always reply with, “Everything is amazing.” Share your occasional blemishes and it’ll make you more endearing.
3. Lift Others
When likable people talk to you, they lift you up—they encourage you and they make you feel a million times better.
People who love life have charisma because they fill the room with positive energy.
— John C. Maxwell
Unlikable people, however, talk poorly about life and other people. It might get them some cheap laughs, but it actually hurts them in long run. First, everyone listening might worry they’ll treat them the same way. Second, because of “spontaneous trait transference,” whatever they say about others, the people listening will associate those traits with them. (i.e. if you say someone else is dishonest, people will think you’re dishonest.)
Strangely enough, being negative can actually draw certain people to you. Some people enjoy ranting, complaining, and feeling like a victim, and they build their social circles around it. But it’s true “misery loves company,” that is not the kind of company you want.
Spread positivity and positive people will like you.
4. Be Present
We’ve all experienced talking to someone who’s barely paying attention to us—instead, they’re checking their phone, looking at their watch, or scanning the room for someone else.
You often hear that likable people have a “presence” or an “aura.” But you can only attain that by being fully present and in the moment with whoever you’re interacting with. Why? Because it comes through in everything you do. The fact is as much as 93% of communication is non-verbal so the other person will feel what you’re thinking.
It will be visible in your eyes, around your being, in your aura. It is like the fragrance of a flower. In most cases if there is a beautiful flower, the fragrance will be there naturally. The flower and its fragrance cannot be separated.
— Sri Chinmoy
Give your full attention and you’ll instantly become more likable. It’s the difference between a half-assed, “How are you?” versus genuinely asking about someone’s day. It’s also the difference between being in a rush to say what you want versus listening attentively.
Put your phone away. Put down whatever’s in your hands. Make solid eye contact. Listen with your body. And listen with the intent to listen, not just to talk once they finish. People will notice—and they’ll like it.
5. Start Inside
Likable people do likable things—so if you want to be more likable, do more likable things.
It sounds ridiculously simple, but we can all agree this ain’t as common as it could be. Sure, learning a couple of tricks to “charm” people might help, but your actions always speak louder than your words. Fortunately, there’s no shortage of “likable” things you can do:
Pay the bill for someone and don’t let them “pay you back.” Carry a heavy object for someone going upstairs. Pick up what someone dropped. Give up your seat on the subway.
As long as you’re doing nice gestures for people—and asking for nothing in return—you’re on the right path. After all, genuinely likable people don’t “put on an act;” they treat everyonewell because it’s who they are.
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
— Malcolm S. Forbes
Last but not least, be a person of good integrity. Hold yourself to a high standard, treat others with respect, and act ethically. It makes it a helluva lot easier to be likable than if you lie, cheat, or belittle others.
Ultimately, there are no guarantees. Just because you’re “likable” doesn’t mean everyone will like you. But by living a life of strong morals, values, and character, it will shine forth in everything you do.
And this will help attract the right people into your life and boost your likability quite a bit.
I hope it helps.
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