Sometimes, I see an interesting belief floating around the self-help world about how you shouldn’t get superficial and expensive things in life.
A fancy watch. An exotic car. A designer jacket.
It’s meaningless, they say. It’s shallow, they say. If everyone had them or everyone disliked them, their value would be worthless, they say. (Which you could say about anything, really.)
But I disagree.
In fact, that mindset, if taken too far, can actually hurt your success and growth. In this article, I’ll explain why that belief is flawed and I’ll share a much healthier mindset to adopt as you work through life and seek the things you want—it’ll help you maintain your happiness and peace of mind throughout your journey.
The Flawed Mindset
Not too long ago, I saw a social media post from an entrepreneur influencer bragging about his inexpensive watch.
Their point? Even though they had a lot of success, they didn’t feel the need to flaunt their wealth with an expensive watch, which, to them, is utterly useless. And as their post continued, they basically disparaged trying to seek expensive things in life when cheaper things are “just as good.”
Bollocks.
This flawed mindset comes across as a sophisticated superiority complex: Rather than getting expensive things to look better than others, you go the opposite route, get cheap things, and turn up your nose at luxuries—in order to look better than others.
The reason this mindset, if taken too far, can be negative to your success is that you start resenting symbols of wealth. And when you start resenting those things (and the owners of those things), you might find ways to unconsciously sabotage yourself to avoid becoming wealthy and having those symbols too.
Worse, people often use those beliefs to justify their lack of wealth and financial stability. “Well, money isn’t important,” they might say to explain away their financial problems, never realizing their subtle displeasure with wealth, expensive “shiny” things, etc. could be what’s holding them back in the first place.
You can’t have what you resent. And disliking rich things (or people) merely increases the negativity within you—and that negativity doesn’t affect other people’s lives, but it sure as hell will affect your life.
“The fact is, resenting the rich is one of the surest ways to stay broke… if you resent what people have, in any way, shape, or form, you can never have it.”
—T. Harv Eker
When you really think about it, what’s wrong with getting a fancy watch or car? What if someone adores watches or cars? Why make people feel guilty for their passions or interests?
I’m not a watch connoisseur, but I know that certain watches have remarkable histories, movements, and more and can even serve as an investment, even though they cost $20,000 (or more).
Other people love luxury cars, rare sneakers, high-end electronics, etc. and are willing to spend a lot of money on them. Well, if they can afford it, who am I to say that’s “bad” or “superficial?” Maybe they worked really hard and saved up to get it.
Sure, obviously, it isn’t healthy to want things just to “keep up with the Joneses” or because everyone else wants them too. (i.e. if you only want a Ferrari because you think that’s the ultimate prize in life yet you don’t give a damn about cars, then maybe you should rethink that one.)
Also, it probably isn’t wise to buy things you can’t afford and go into debt just to get them, or to desire things in an insatiable quest for more.
So, of course, the motivation behind your desire is important.
“The reason or motivation you have for making money or creating success is vital. If your motivation for acquiring money or success comes from a nonsupportive root such as fear, anger, or the need to “prove” yourself, your money will never bring you happiness.”
— T. Harv Eker
But fortunately, it’s entirely possible to have expensive things and not lose yourself in the process.
It’s entirely possible to have your cake and eat it too.
Here’s how:
Adopt a Better Mindset
Here’s a great mindset as you strive to live the “good life:”
Desire the things you want, but be able to let go of them in an instant.
It’s that simple.
Desire them, but don’t attach your success to them.
Desire them, but don’t attach your happiness to them.
Desire them, but don’t attach your self-worth to them.
Remind yourself that getting those things won’t make you any happier, cooler, sexier, or more fulfilled.
If you can understand those truths, then you’ll have more freedom, peace of mind, and groundedness as you go on your journey.
It’s like a Stoic mindset. People sometimes think the Stoics refrained from wealth, possessions, and things like that, yet overlook the fact that Seneca was incredibly wealthy and Marcus Aurelius was the freakin’ emperor of the Roman Empire. (So they weren’t broke by any means.)
The difference was that all of those things—possessions, fame, money, etc.—weren’t their happiness, self-worth, etc.
The difference was that all of them were fully capable and content to walk away from everything they’ve accumulated at a moment’s notice.
“Do not, then, make any mistake: riches belong to the class of desirable things… If my riches leave me, they will carry away with them nothing except themselves: you will be bewildered and will seem to be left without yourself if they should pass away from you: with me riches occupy a certain place, but with you they occupy the highest place of all. In fine, my riches belong to me, you belong to your riches.”
—Seneca, “On The Happy Life”
Bottom line: If you really want something in life, go for it! Life’s too short to have your desires influenced by other people.
But just make sure that your motivations and desires are in check. Make sure they aren’t fueled by a deeper need for approval, validation, or one-upmanship.
An easy way to check is by asking yourself: If you got your dream watch, car, house, partner, yacht, etc. — but you could never tell or show anyone else — would you still desire them?
If so, then you’re well on your way.
And once you get what you want, you’ll be just as free with them as we were without them.
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