When I was younger, I sometimes used a “destiny” pattern.
Basically, during a date with a girl I really liked, I would ask her if she believed in destiny.
I asked it because I enjoyed learning how they saw and interacted with the world around them. Did they believe in a “plan,” did they think they could control everything, or was it neither-or? (I also asked it because it was a nice shift in conversation from superficial crap to something more meaningful.)
Sometimes they did. Sometimes they didn’t. But each answer was interesting.
Then it was my turn to answer the question. Did I, Mr. Elephant, believe in destiny?
No and yes.
First, I firmly believe in the power of free will. I believe that man has the ability to develop his own life and world. We are all free to control our minds and thereby improve our intelligence, resilience, physique, social skills, adaptability, and life situation.
But I also understand that there is only so much a person can control. And the vast majority of existence literally swirls around us.
Then, I used the example of how I met them. It wasn’t destiny…
…or was it?
The exact series of faces you saw today will never be seen again.
Take a second to think about that. Never again. The pattern of people, the sequence, the timing, the perfection (or imperfection) of it all — all of it was unique and utterly unrepeatable. And some people you will only ever see once in your life while others will mysteriously appear again and again.
The answer I gave simply explained that “destiny” put those people in front of you.
But it’s still your choice to act.
For example, I met one of my good friends — who later appeared in an Elephant Travels story — on a bus in suburban Incheon.
I met another good friend on a crowded street in Hongdae one early-morning during the World Cup in 2010 and, it turned out, we lived near each other in Los Angeles.
And I first learned about teaching English abroad from a very friendly Chinese-American girl I met in the most random noodle restaurant in Taichung.
I believe that you meet everyone in your life for a reason. Destiny put them in front of you; it’s up to you to make the most of it, good or bad. And while there were a few douchebags I would’ve rather NOT met, the positive souls far outweighed the negative ones.
(Maybe they said the same of me!)
In my senior year of college — even with my raging acne — I was truly blessed to have met some wonderful friends who had a character and kindness that far eclipsed mine. One evening during a friend’s farewell party, we talked a bit about how we met for a reason. He offered this quote:
百世修來同船渡,千世修來共枕眠
Basically, it means it takes 100 years for two people to share the same boat and it takes 1000 years for two people to share the same pillow.
The next time you sit or stand next to a person on a bus, bench, table, or in line at the store, take a second to embrace the incredible effort the universe took to put the two of you at the same place at the same time.
What was the series of events that put brought you together? Are you both new in town? Did the other person emigrate from another country? Did you decide to try something new? Did you play hooky from school or work?
I met one of my best friends — a Japanese study-abroad student — because I simply wanted to get out of the house and read a book.
And another time, I met a girl — who I later dated — when I was lost and late to an appointment.
The unfortunate part of life, however, is that so many people live their days on this Earth completely oblivious to this fact. (Which I do sometimes too.)
We take for granted the perfection and beauty of what we already have and see everyday. Then it disappears forever.
So take time to embrace the part of your life you CANNOT control.
Because you might just find something you like.
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