7 Life-Transforming Lessons After Leaving My Home and Moving Abroad

I started 2019 with health problems that sidelined me and took a lot of my time and energy.

But as my health eventually improved, other life changes happened.

I left Denver, my home of five years and, since then, I’ve accomplished more in the past five months than in the past five years.

(And in this article, I’ll show you how to do the same.)

My life transformed. I’ve felt a renewed sense of passion and confidence — something that I’ve admittedly felt was lacking in the recent past — and the results show.

Here’s a quick snapshot of what’s going on:

I left the US and moved to Europe

– I’ve followed my dreams — and bucket list — by becoming an expatriate and relocating to Europe in July.

– In the process, I shed most of possessions, sold my car, and cancelled most everything I had back in the States. (And no I don’t miss those items.)

– I’ve chilled in Poland, Austria, Hungary, Serbia, Spain, Croatia, Romania, Turkey, and Portugal. (I’m currently in Lisbon). In the near future, I’ve already confirmed I’ll be in France, Albania, and Bulgaria.

– I live out of my carry-on suitcase ONLY and made it work just fine over the past 5 months. (In fact, sometimes I think I have too much stuff, lol.)

I knocked out a few bucket list items

– Moving to Europe was one.

– In Madrid, I went to see a Champions League match (Atletico Madrid vs. Juventus), which was INCREDIBLE. 90th minute goal to tie it and Wanda exploded in delight. (Also watched Real Madrid in the Bernabéu.)

– I enrolled in two months of immersive French training in the south of France (Nice and Montpellier) starting 2020, which has long been a dream of mine, and have been doing lots of one-on-one tutoring.

I changed a few life rules and priorities

– Now, health is my #1 priority. (After dealing with those health issues in the beginning of the year, I now realize just how important one’s health really is.)

– My consulting business is growing. I’m also diving deeper into the (surprisingly) fascinating world of Ethics & Compliance, and I also became a Certified Compliance & Ethics Professional (CCEP-I) after doing a 4-day intensive academy in Madrid, despite being the only non-compliance-y person there.

– I push myself to make decisions faster. (More on this later.)

– I changed my fashion. (More on this later.)

– I revamped my morning and nighttime routines.

– I spend far less time on my phone and on social media.

– Financially, I switched a few things up with my banks, overhauled my portfolio, and tweaked my investment strategy.

– Life-wise, I’ve made plenty of changes in my goals and priorities.

But enough about me…

Let’s talk about you.

I’m going to share what I learned along the way; I sincerely hope it helps you on your journey if you’re feeling stuck, you’re ready to try something new, or you just want a kick in the ass.

Allez!

1. Change Your Life By Changing Your Environment

A friend recently asked me, “What was the decision that helped you accomplish all these things and accomplish them FASTER?”

That’s easy.

Leaving Denver.

Back in Denver, I enjoyed my life very much.

I lived on the 27th floor with a mountain view on one of the best blocks in the entire city of Denver. (It’s hard to beat 16th & Larimer.) I had coffee shops that were like home to me. I had restaurants that never — and I mean never — let me pay for my food.

I loved my neighbors. I loved my hobbies. I loved my routines. I loved my gym (two blocks away). I even liked the people who bagged my groceries every week! I never had to drive.

I was incredibly grateful I moved there and met the people and had the experiences that I did.

So why the hell did I leave it all?

To me, life is about learning, growing, being challenged, and rising to that challenge. In fact, one of my highest aims in life is becoming a worldly, cultured person.

This is going to sound bad, but despite how much I loved Denver, after 5 years, I felt I hit my ceiling. (This is just my opinion; I could be wrong.) Without as much worldliness, culture, diversity, excitement, or variety as I wanted, I felt like I was stagnating.

The worst part was I was feeling this way inside for quite a while — probably since mid-2018.

A lot of things out here simply don’t exist in the Denver.

Or how about dating? I put so much damn effort into “going out,” “trying new things,” and “trying to meet find women,” but it was like pulling teeth.

Inside, I could hear myself thinking: “Oh… you can’t find women you’re attracted to? Try harder. They’re out there!”

Believe me, I tried. For several months, I went to over 40 different venues, events, places, activities, and more in the attempt to meet more women and improve my dating prospects.

And even though I think of myself as a pretty “outgoing person” — and talk to strangers almost every day — I met a grand total of ZERO girls I was attracted to. (Sometimes I didn’t even see a single female.)

Now, all I have to do is WALK OUTSIDE AND THERE I AM.

So why am I bringing all this up?

Because environments shape you and your future; not your “willpower.” You simply cannot out-willpower your environment.

[This lesson comes from Benjamin Hardy, author of “Willpower Doesn’t Work,” a phenomenal book that I’ve already recommended to several friends with great results for them too.]

They are always shaping you, but not always for the better.

For me, I love going to coffee shops to work, read, think, and — if someone interests me — meet new people.

But looking back, I was trying to WILLPOWER my way through the environment I put myself in. And as bad as this sounds, looking back, a part of me is a little upset that I was expending so much energy and effort to get, well, zero return.

Even worse, in my last year in the Denver, I stopped trying as much as before. “What’s the point?” I’d ask myself. (Or self-doubts would creep up. “What’s wrong with me?” “What am I doing wrong?” “How come I can’t find XYZ?”)

Once I went to an environment that aligned with what I wanted, everything changed.

So look around you. Look at your environments. Your friends. Your home. Your lifestyle. Your routines. Your food. Your city. Are your environments helping you achieve your goals? Are they keep you level? Are they hurting you?

Most people just live a very “reactive” life to the environments they already find themselves in.

That’s when I decided it was time to leave and go to a place that aligned with what I wanted to achieve.

After all, what’s better: Expending a TON of energy and willpower to achieve something in your current, limited environment OR simply going to an environment where that “something” is normal and plentiful?

It’s pretty easy to see where someone is headed in their life: Just look at their surroundings.

Change your environments to align with what you want and you’ll change your life: You’ll have to adapt, you’ll have to improve, and you’ll become a different person because of it.

Note: I, however, am not implying you need to permanently move to a different country to change your environment.

In fact, for many people, that would be a really BAD idea.

It would far too much at once, especially if they’re not ready — mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc. — for such a cataclysmic shift. After the “honeymoon period” ends, some might have horrible feelings of regret, anger, resentment, etc. and, well, it won’t be pretty. (More on that later.)

But, if experiencing the world — and making that a part of WHO YOU ARE — is one of the highest-priorities of your life, then yes, moving abroad ain’t a bad idea.

This isn’t about ejecting from your current world.

This is about being intentional with how everything in your life is structured in order to push yourself to what you want to achieve.

2. Set Higher Standards In Your Life

Since I went to Europe, it felt like I hit warp-speed with my life. And it made me realize how slow I was going back then — and how small my standards for myself were. (Well, relative to where I wanted to be.)

That’s when I realized I needed to set a higher standard in the areas I wanted to accomplish in my life.

Here’s a weird example:

I like dressing nice. I don’t know what it is, but looking fashionable — for myself, not for others — is something I enjoy. To me, fashion is kind of like a language: How well can I speak it?

In Denver, however, I would sometimes feel a bit self-conscious because, well, I didn’t think the fashion standards aren’t very high. (That is to say, if they’re not going to work in an office.) In fact, just by throwing on a blazer and a nice pair of shoes, you can usually be the best-dressed person — anywhere.

Some might think, “Oh, that’s good — you stick out.”

Not for me. BECAUSE THEN I STOP LEARNING.

If your goal is to “stick out,” that’s one thing. But if your goal is to “learn and grow,” you might be selling yourself short. As someone once said:

“If you’re the smartest person in the room, find a different room.”

In Europe? The standard is WAYYYY HIGHER.

Damn, I had to step my game WAY THE FUCK UP and crank up my standards! And it’s FUN FOR ME! I like it and I get a kick out of it. One of the first things I did was get rid the pants I brought with me and buy new ones. Now, I dress way nicer than I ever did in Denver or the US.

(By the way, this links to the power of environments.)

Why do I bring this up?

Think about all the “standards” in your life: The standards in your relationships, your job, your career, your health, your appearance, your hygiene… YOUR LIFE.

What are your goals in life? Where to you want to excel? Ask yourself: Are your standards helping you reach your goal OR are your standards simply “getting by?”

For example, if people only have superficial friendships and relationships, they’re not asking for a higher standard in those areas. So they get what they ask for or what they tolerate.

To achieve something, it’s better to set a higher standard within you. Because if others reject you, at least you’ve now set a higher expectation for your own life.

And over time, your filter will collect what you want.

3. Make Decisions Faster

After reading Hardy, I’ve noticed that people rarely make decisions that matter:

They spend a disproportional amount of time on decisions that have very little impact on their life.

For me, I realize when I’m deliberating about a decision, it’s not because it’s HARD choice. It’s because I haven’t made a REAL decision yet.

Let me give you an example:

I don’t drink alcohol. I don’t have anything against it — I used to drink — but I stopped and never looked back. Now, when someone asks if I want a drink (or even offers one to me), I don’t have to “deliberate.” I don’t have to “debate the pros and cons.”

I just say “no thanks” and move on.

When I was looking at different language schools in France, I found two good ones, one in each city I wanted to visit. I was ready to buy, but I started looking around at other schools. “Oh, but this one’s closer. This one has night classes. This one…” (You get the picture.)

What the fuck was I doing to myself?? I realized something at that moment:

I was looking at other schools, not because I wanted the “perfect school,” but because I was hesitating on making a real decision:

Am I or am I NOT going to study French in France?

I immediately stopped hesitating and bought my courses that minute.

Even for this trip, when deciding between Airbnbs, I had like… 12 good options and I spend WEEKS trying to whittle them down. I mean, sure, I obviously don’t want to get stuck with a bad one, but if they all have glowing reviews, what’s the REAL difference? I can make decisions wayyy fucking faster.

Here’s the hard truth: When someone says “they can’t decide,” that’s a lie. (It’s like when people say, “Yeah, I’m thinking about doing XYZ.”) It’s that they scared to MAKE a commitment or they want two things at once: They want the “better future” and “play it safe” at the same time. But you can’t. When you make a REAL choice, you’ll HAVE TO SAY NO to other things.

All the while time passes them by.

5 years later, they still haven’t made a hard decision, yes or no.

And tying back to “changing your environments,” when you make a REAL decision, you force yourself to act in a way that changes everything. It’s a decision that makes all other decisions irrelevant.

It’s kind of scary — at least to the “old” me — to be THAT committed to something.

But that’s why almost no one lives their ideal lives: Simply because they DON’T commit. Once you commit, burn the ships, and don’t look back, the future will take care of itself.

In my example of leaving the US, after I decided — and committed — the rest was so easy. Selling my car. Donating most of my possessions. Canceling my insurance(s), phone plans, utilities, condo lease, etc.

I did it and didn’t think twice.

The hardest part was simply deciding.

4. There’s No Good Or Bad

Things are just as they are.

I admit, this is a hard one for me — something I’m continually working on — but it’s big.

Because there’s a strong habit of judging myself and others and the situations I find myself in.

Someone asked me, “Do you like it in Europe?” It’s a surprisingly hard question to answer. There are things I like about my journey, but my journey isn’t about “like” or “dislike.”

Being here is an experience, and I’m here to experience it.

If I start saying, “Yeah, I like it,” well, the second I STOP liking it, what happens?

It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

I’ll become fixated on making sure I keep liking it instead of just being present and viewing what’s around me without judgmental glasses — good or bad. I’ll get more attached to every high and low of my journey and my emotions will look like a seismogram.

In the words of W. Timothy Gallwey in The Inner Game of Tennis: “It’s not about the win or the loss; if we are here to experience, then we are free.”

If this section doesn’t make much sense, here’s another way to put it:

I’m working on being more present and less judgmental.

5. Decide Who You Want To BE

It may surprise you, but I’m not really in Europe because I want to “travel the world.”

Really.

(It’s actually a secondary motivation.)

I’m also not here because “I have the option to do it so lets do it,” or because it’s the “cool thing to do ‘while you’re still young,’ etc.”

(These aren’t “bad” reasons, but again, they not even close to the main reason why I’m out here.)

I’m out here because I know who I want to BE. I know how I see myself and how I want to see myself.

So I simply made the adjustment to align my life with that vision.

Before I decided to move, I did a lot of thinking and journaling. I asked some friends who I trusted and they usually asked me, “What’s your goal? 10 years from now, looking back, what do you want to achieve?”

I realized that while a lot of goals are typically quantifiable — have $X by age ##, have a home, have a wife, have XYZ — a lot of my were NOT quantifiable.

And since I loved what I saw the last time I was Europe, I decided it would be the perfect environment.

Now the “goal” is to slowly make my way around Europe to FIND the place that resonates best — then make it my home.

Lurking behind this example is also the idea of “motivation.”

If I was motivated by a comfortable, stable life, I would’ve never left Denver — my life was as stable and comfortable as it gets (which, again, was why it was so hard to leave).

But I was — and have always been — motivated by growth. Looking back on the past DECADE of my life, I always felt the most ALIVE, IN-FLOW, and ACTUALIZED when I was living abroad. The excitement. The energy. The novelty.

But more so, because it aligned with who I wanted to be.

If you never change how you SEE YOURSELF, you will always revert back to where you started. (This is damn near a psychological fact.)

Like I wrote earlier, if someone decided to “travel the world,” but never changed their identity, eventually they’ll revert back, get “burnt out,” and go home.

But there’s absolutely zero risk of being “burnt out” when you SEE YOURSELF a certain way.

Or what about exercise? If you SEE YOURSELF as an “athlete,” then exercising 4 – 5 times a week is just what you do. There’s no pulling teeth. There’s no “I’m busy.” You just do it.

This isn’t about being your “current self” and having a few months of vacation here and there — this is about changing who you are and being that person FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Who do you want to be?

6. Remember gratitude

By the way, for all “I” accomplished, I’m really only here because of the support I’ve received from so many people over the years in different capacities.

Remember “environments.” We are ALL products of our environments. So if you reshape your environments to become a different person and achieve your dreams, you gotta give some credit to those surroundings.

7. Remove all distractions

I’ve noticed the people who struggle most with their lives are the ones who are constantly “busy” with things that are, at best, distractions.

Hardy calls them “dopamine hits” — situational “uppers” in your life to give you a jolt of positive and excitement from the otherwise ho-hum existence.

Yet these distractions move you no closer toward your goal. (That’s if you even have a goal or want that goal badly enough to change your life.)

Heck, years from now, these moments will be a vague memory in your relatively consistent experience.

But if you want to transform your life, YOU HAVE TO TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE.

EVERYTHING has to be different.

This article is called “7 Life-Transforming Lessons,” not “7 Uninspired Lessons.”

People have asked me how I left Denver, moved to Europe, and blasé blah. But the TRUE answer is, from what I see, the one thing that most people who are stuck refuse to do.

Sit down and figure it out.

Push everything else aside until you answer these questions. No Facebook. No Instagram. No parties. No concerts. No vacations. No “watching the game with the boys.”

I used to spend my weekends driving to a coffee shop far from my home first thing in the morning, read something inspiring, open MSWord, and write for HOURS. I’d lose all track of time, but when I finished, I had something REAL. I had something that came from the deepest parts of my mind and heart and was going to lead me to where I wanted to go.

If you want to change your life, start here.

And I wish you the best of luck.