Of all the things people struggle with, “following through” has to be near—or at—the top of the list.
There are so many things people want to accomplish in life, but they’ll start for a few weeks, get tired, and give up. That’s how they end up with, say, piles of books and courses that they bought, but never finished.
Worse, because of psychology, the more they fail to follow through, the harder it gets to actually follow through. (What a Catch-22!) And each time they fail to keep their promises, they beat themselves up and feel awful.
It sucks.
But imagine what it would feel like to finally follow through on all the goals we set for ourselves. How much more would we get done? How would it improve our lives? How would it feel to confidently know we can bring something all the way to completion?
In this guide, I’ll share the essential lessons so you can finally learn how to follow through and finish whatever you start and set your mind on. Some of it might challenge you… some of it might be humbling… but it’ll all be vital to help you reach your goals.
Let’s jump right in.
Look at Your Self-Talk and Beliefs
I’ve sat next to people who, when they get an answer wrong in class, they’ll say, “Argh, I’m so fucking stupid!”
Uhh, take it easy there, homeboy.
There is nothing good about that kind of language. Yet every time they say it, it becomes a kind of “self-hypnosis.” It becomes embedded in their character. For example, how often do you catch yourself saying:
- “I’m so lazy.”
- “I suck.”
- “I’ll never be able to do that.”
- “I can’t do it (because I’m a woman/man/Black/Asian/Latino/an immigrant/etc.).”
- “It’s impossible.”
Whatever you say after, “I am…,” be very careful. Your subconscious mind is always listening and it cannot take a joke. The more you do it, the more it warps your identity.
Learn to stop saying negative comments and start saying positive things about yourself and your abilities. Instead of defeatist comments, start using supportive language:
- “I’m going to get better at following through.”
- “I can learn how to do this.”
- “If other people can do it, so can I.”
- “I’ve done great things before. Why can’t I do it again?”
The more you do it, the better you’ll feel.
Also, confront and replace unsupportive beliefs. Maybe you think you’re unqualified to do something for no apparent reason. (ex. “I can’t play basketball because I’m not 6-feet tall.”) Challenge your erroneous assumptions. Is that really true or is it just some barrier that you believe in order to hold you back from ever trying? What’s a more accurate and supportive belief?
Finally, realize that it’s not a character flaw that you didn’t finish. Everyone struggles with this. You’re not worse of a person just because you decided not to follow through or because you put something aside. Things happen. You’re allowed to change your mind.
“Following through” is just a muscle you have to build.
Stop Watching Other People
Recently, I saw a Medium article from a person who explained how, for months, they would wake up, immediately see other people’s success stories or social media posts, get jealous, and feel like shit all day—and that they had to learn how to overcome their issues and become comfortable with themselves.
Huh??
How about you, uh, STOP LOOKING AT OTHER PEOPLE’S STORIES?? 😂
You only ever see people’s successes. They don’t show all the hard work and failures that came along the way (or the problems they’re dealing with in the background).
You don’t see all the times they started something and didn’t follow through. You only ever see what they want you to see—that’s it.
That’s why you can’t compare yourself to other people.
My advice while you’re learning how to finish what you start: Stop watching other people (unless they give you a detailed how-to guide).
It might motivate you initially, but the tendency for that emotion to slip into jealousy is too great. Just focus on what you need to do—that’s all you can control anyway.
Start On Fewer Things
This is huge. I know a lot of people who are always starting some sort of project: Learning a skill, doing a challenge, building some thingamajig, joining some flavor-of-the-month trend, etc.
But notice the keyword:
“Starting.”
Yeah, they can start alright… but they never finish. Why?
Because they’re doing way too much. They’re spreading themselves too thin. They’re biting off more than they can chew.
Before you commit to any new project or endeavor, it’s critical to ask yourself: Why do you want to do this in the first place? Is this really important right now given your current life situation? Or is there something more pressing you should focus on?
The truth is it just might not be a priority right now—and that’s okay.
In my life, there are DOZENS of things I want to do, see, learn, and achieve. There are tons of things I think will be great and fun to try for a few months (or longer).
But… I know that my attention and time are all that I have in life and I need to be judicious with how I spend it. So rather than doing everything I want all at once, I only focus on what’s most important — right now — and I put everything else on the backburner.
For example, during my current travels, people will often tell me, “Oh, you should go here! You should go there!” But whenever they say that, my first reaction is to look around me and think, “Uhh… okay?”
I can’t be in two places at once. I’m already visiting the country I’m currently at. I can only travel to one place at a time and give each one my full focus.
One reason why people take on too many commitments is that many people struggle to say “no.” Thus, they’ll commit to a bunch of things (or say “yes” to every invitation) and do a poor job on all of them instead of committing to a few things, doing their best work on each one, and bringing them all to completion.
Have the courage to say, “That sounds nice, but it’s not a priority right now,” and put it aside.
This is humbling, but it’ll concentrate your energy and effort like a laser. Think of it like a professional poker player: You don’t play every single hand you’re dealt; you wait for the right one and you play them like a pro.
Success isn’t that difficult; it merely involves taking twenty steps in a singular direction. Most people take one step in twenty directions.
— Dr. Benjamin Hardy
The more you follow through on things, the more you increase your self-confidence. But the more you fail to follow through on things, the more you erode your self-confidence.
Start Strong
How you start something is usually how you finish.
One reason why people struggle to follow through is because of how they start. They make a weak commitment like, “I guess I’ll try it.”
But with a mediocre level of drive and enthusiasm, it’s not really a surprise when they fall off the wagon, get tired, or deal with setbacks.
At first, they might get excited about the idea of doing something (ex. learning French). They imagine how cool it would be to serenade their partner in “the language of love” (Ooo là là!)
But once that initial wave of motivation dies down and they’re confronted with all the work they need to do to learn a language, suddenly, they don’t want it anymore.
And they don’t follow through.
The problem is that the original desire was never really there.
Instead, enthusiastically jump in. Don’t half-ass it. If you want it, go all-in. Commit. And if you aren’t able to do that, then it could be a sign that you shouldn’t do it.
There’s a story of a very successful real estate investor. Whenever people asked him if they should become a real estate investor, he always said “no” and actively tried to dissuade them.
When asked why, he replied, “Because the people who will succeed will do it anyway.”
Does this story make sense?
All the lookie-loos who are “kinda sorta maybe” interested will hear this advice and quit before they start—but they would’ve failed anyway.
Meanwhile, all the people who are determined to become real estate investors will hear this advice and think, “That’s just his opinion. I can do it.”
And they’re the ones who will succeed.
Have a Milestone
As you start in your journey, it’s critical to have benchmarks to target so (1) you know you’re making progress, (2) you can define what success looks like, and (3) you can improve your odds of success (which I’ll explain).
Ideally, these milestones are achievable within one month to three months. (Waiting a year before you can see any progress is far too long. Also, way too many things can happen from now until then.)
Milestones help you clarify a specific goal. It’s the difference between saying “I want to make more money” vs. “I want to make an extra $1000/mo online.”
Once you have a specific milestone to target, you can work backward and plan your steps. This removes the confusion and gives you more clarity, which makes it so much easier to follow through.
For example, let’s say you’re trying to learn how to play an instrument. Is there’s a song you really like? Your first milestone can be to play a few seconds of that song or play it at 50% speed. Then, once you achieve that, your next milestone can be to play one minute or at 75% speed.
Also, just as importantly, once you hit your milestone, CELEBRATE!! 🙂
DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP.
REWARD YOURSELF FOR YOUR HARD WORK AND DEDICATION!
You deserve it, after all.
Expect Failure
It’s foolish to assume you’ll never fail.
There will always be some unexpected issues that set you back. There will always be challenges. There will always be days when it seems like you’re not making any progress (or that you’re going backward).
A lot of people give up in these moments. But that’s because they didn’t mentally pre-prepare for difficulties.
When you deal with setbacks and problems, remind yourself that this is something that can help you in your journey. Reframe your challenges. After all, it’s an opportunity to learn, gain new insights, and come back better than you were before.
Early success is a terrible teacher. You’re essentially being rewarded for a lack of preparation, so when you find yourself in a situation where you must prepare, you can’t do it. You don’t know how.
— Col. Chris Hadfield
Also, detach yourself from the situation and become your own analyst. Ask yourself: Why did you fail? Why didn’t it work that specific time? What changed? What can be improved? What’s the lesson you can takeaway?
Finally, sometimes, it helps to remember that everyone goes through tough times (no matter how much they may hide it)—so you are not alone.
Change Your Identity
I know someone who, at various times in their life, made a concerted effort to get in shape and lose weight. But as terrible as this sounds, each time they tried, I knew it wouldn’t last (despite all the support I gave them).
And each and every time, I was right.
It’s not because they were exercising incorrectly or because they followed the wrong diet.
It’s because they never changed their identity.
Everything in their life was the exact same. Their habits. Their environments. Their friends. Their hobbies. Every day they woke up, everything in their life would remind them of who they were and confirm their previous lifestyle.
So, naturally, the change they wanted—however necessary—simply wouldn’t last.
Basically, they were saying to themselves, “I’m just going to do this for a little while… and then I’m going to go back to who I was before.”
Friends, this is the missing ingredient to a lot of change in your life.
If you want to follow through and bring something to completion, you have to start seeing yourself as someone who does those things.
For example, if you want to have a fit body, you have to see yourself as someone with a fit body. You have to set up your environments to pull you towards where you want to go.
As a result, your routines will be different. Your entertainment will be different. Your schedule will be different.
And in the end, YOU will be different.
Also, don’t just think about what you want to achieve—think about the habits you need in order to become the person who already has those things. How can you start building habits that will eventually lead you to your desired results?
If you struggle to make lasting changes in your life, focus on this.
Good luck.
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