I said it before and I’ll say it again: I don’t do New Years Resolutions.

I do New Years themes instead.

A theme is an overarching framework for your behaviors while “resolutions” focus on the outcome. By having a theme like “adventure,” “fortitude,” etc., you’ll have a compass to navigate all the different decisions you face.

Last year, my theme was “adventure.”

This year, I’m going to try various fear-tackling adventures. And I’m going to write about how they go. (For example, I’ve already called the Pepsi Center in Denver twice to try to get something going.)

How did I grade my own performance?

I did okay considering the events. With any year, there’s ups and downs, but I think, overall, there were way more positives than negatives.

Travel-wise, I went to the UK for a month — something I’ve been dreaming of for a while — and had an AMAZING time. I even crossed something off my bucket list (“go to an EPL match”) and spent a week in New York. In March, I jumped on the opportunity to go back to California to surf and snowboard in the same day, and in September, I went to Montreal for a bachelor party and shit went down.

In October, I then went back to New York for a summit and met many inspiring people.

Career-wise, I flew back to Los Angeles in early-January for the sole purpose of meeting a famous investment banker to discuss a marketing project. It did NOT go well, but it sure as hell was an adventure. I also landed a great client by cold emailing them, started writing for GQ, penned a few pieces for CLIF Bar, and launched a partnership with the world’s leading groom blog.

Dating-wise, I invested in myself like a motherfucker and absolutely transformed the way I interacted with women and dated. Still working on it though.

Fitness-wise, I stopped working out. It’s not very adventurous, but it’s been an adventure in discovering my food intolerances and allergies. I’ve also really jumped into Postural Restoration Institute stuff so, when I get back into the gym, I’m ready.

Education-wise, I went from ZERO partner dancing to learning four dances at the same time — salsa, bachata, blues, and kizomba. It’s been a lesson in humility (and dancing), but I’ve enjoyed it so far. I’ve also been taking culinary classes, which means I won’t burn the house down, and I’ve been reteaching myself French.

Yet, there were a lot of “adventurous” things I didn’t accomplish. I wanted to go back to Taiwan last year and I really wanted to grow my interview series. I also had phone calls with dozens of companies that fizzled in seconds.

There were many things I wanted to do, but didn’t either because (1) they said “no” again and again or (2) because I didn’t have the support financially.

It’s not a great excuse so I admit I have a lot of room for improvement here.

So what’s the theme for 2017?

Intentionality.

Have you ever found yourself doing something and wondering to yourself: “Why the FUCK am I doing this?”

Ever find yourself talking to people you don’t want to talk to? Doing things that annoy you, but you do anyway because you feel obligated? Or letting people do certain things to you because you’re either scared or unsure of saying “no?”

I think a lot of us spend too much time doing the things we DON’T want to do, but instead do out of tradition, obligation, or just the fear of what everyone else will think about you.

The internal dialogue becomes, “Well… I GUESS I’ll just do it because it’s what everyone ELSE expects of me.”

The internal dialogue becomes, “I don’t want to do this, but I don’t want to say ‘no’ and I don’t want to hurt their feelings so… I GUESS I’ll just do it.”

But that isn’t very intentional.

It isn’t intentional with our time or how we use it.

Here’s how “intentionality” works: Focus on the things you want and unapologetically stick to them. Create your own value systems of good-bad, right-wrong and master those regardless of what others — coworkers, family, society, culture, etc. — think.

Every single second of your life won’t be a “home run,” but at least you’ll strive for it. And just because every moment won’t be euphoric, it doesn’t excuse accepting an unintentional — almost “aimless” — existence because of “how other people will think.”

You will still need a solid moral compass — that’s another story — but you can act appropriately without being controlled.

For example, lets say I want to become much more intentional on social media.

So, on my Facebook profile, instead of adding everyone who requests me or keeping thousands of friends I’ve never met (or, let’s be honest here, don’t even enjoy that much), I’ll ask myself: “Do I want this person to have access to my life? Do I want access to this person’s life? Do I even care?”

But what if they get upset?!

First, who’s problem is it: theirs or yours?

Obviously, it’s theirs. And eventually, they’ll get over it.

Second, are you going to let their emotions and manipulation (whether conscious or unconscious) dictate how YOU live YOUR life? Is their “upset” more important to you than what you think about yourself and your own actions?

But isn’t that selfish?!

What’s more selfish?

1) Making a conscious decision about what you feel comfortable with.

2) Having someone manipulate you to do what they want by guilting you into feeling selfish.

Suddenly, this goes A LOT deeper than just some Facebook profile.

Or what about your in-person social life? Do you find yourself hanging out with a group of people you kinda like because “it’s Friday night” and you don’t want to be alone? That’s not being intentional; that’s making a decision based on your apprehension with boredom and loneliness.

You’re subtly saying: “The desire to live up to social expectations is so important to me I’ll spend time with people I barely enjoy.”

Or what about going home for the holidays? What if you don’t want to? Then you think, “If I don’t go, I’m being selfish.” Really? Says who? You or your family?

Intentionality is deliberately choosing what you want in life and going for it.

Intentionality is NOT accepting anything less.

Intentionality also requires proactivity, responsibility, and assertiveness. And that isn’t easy.

For example, recently, I texted a girl to set up a date, but she took over two days (no joke) to respond to each text. Since waiting around and accepting low interest wasn’t being “intentional,” I politely ended it:

Ultimately, I want her to be happy and I want me to be happy — if we’re not achieving that, what’s the fucking point? Loneliness? Boredom? The “good ol’ college try?”

It’s going to be a hard journey, but I believe it’ll be one with a tremendous payoff.

I wish you the best of luck for 2017.