I Spent The Pandemic Isolated In Albania; Here’s How I Survived Lockdowns, Racism, and Fear

A few days before the first COVID-19 case was reported in Albania — a few days before our entire world changed — I left a restaurant after dinner when two random guys standing outside unexpectedly yelled at me:

“Coronavirus!”

I was born and raised in Los Angeles, but being Chinese-American, locals don’t know the difference and think I’m from China. (Some even treated me like I had COVID-19.)

That, unfortunately, was not the first time I experienced racism here and certainly would not be the last.

I’ve been stuck in Albania by myself since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. 

Last July, I sold all my things and left the US to travel full-time and eventually settle in Europe.

After 7 months of voyaging around the continent, I planned to stay here for 4 weeks before heading to Bulgaria, Romania, and beyond.

But once the first cases were confirmed in the country—and things were rapidly worsening throughout Europe—life changed literally overnight.

Since I had nothing left in the US (I even canceled my US health insurance) and countries around the world closed their borders, I decided the best option was to just stay put, wait, and not risk the uncertainty of going somewhere else and being denied entrance, quarantined, etc.

Then the lockdown began. 

Shortly after, army trucks rolled into town after the Prime Minister mobilized the military to enforce his orders. At the height, here were the restrictions:

• Citizens could only go outside from 5:00–13:00 for 60 minutes maximum and needed authorization each time — you had to text the government 24 hours beforehand to get a one-hour permit. (It took me a while to figure out how non-citizens could get it, but eventually, I found a way.)
• Every household could only send one designated person during those 60 minutes for essential activities like getting groceries, water (you cannot drink running water in Albania), and medicine. 
• They had 60-hour long curfews during the weekends. (No one could go outdoors from Friday 17:00 to Monday 5:00.)
• All non-essential businesses were closed, which basically left only groceries, bakeries, pharmacies, and banks open. Due to the curfews and capacity rules, there were long queues in front of all of them in my neighborhood. (Fortunately, you could order food delivery.)
• No one could drive without specific authorization (medical appointments, deliveries, etc.) so all the previously congested roads were practically deserted. No public transportation or taxis were allowed. (Intercity movement was prohibited without authorization.) 
• No outdoor exercise was allowed.
• No flights were allowed to and from Albania. (They shut the international airport and didn’t reopen it until mid-June.)

During the worst of it, I started feeling depressed and my mind was surprisingly erratic.

I underestimated the effects of not being able to go outside for days on end  —  it was basically just me inside my Airbnb  —  or even seeing other human beings.

Worse, there was so much uncertainty. The Prime Minister would continually change his draconian measures with as little as two-hour notice causing the entire country to scramble to get supplies.

As if that wasn’t enough, my marketing consultancy took a massive hit as many of my clients froze their vendor contracts due to the global pandemic and economic crisis. 

As the lockdown continued, a part of me felt ruined: It was as if everything I had worked toward, prepared for, and wanted — for many years — was destroyed in a matter of days. 

What Kept Me Going

Throughout the frustration, confusion, and sadness, I was able to keep going, stay focused, and actually make progress in many areas of my life.

It wasn’t easy — and it’s still not easy — but here are the nine things that saved me:

1. Having a morning routine. 

During the worst of the lockdown, every morning, I woke up at 6:28, meditated, wrote my goals, stretched, ate the same breakfast, read an inspiring book on Kindle, and got to work. 

There were many days I woke up feeling sad and angry, but I still got up to my alarm and did my morning routine. By the time I finished my ritual, I felt more motivated and energized and ready for the day. 

Getting up at the same time also gave me consistency and a sense of purpose. If I just slept in and woke up whenever I wanted to, however, there would be no momentum and each day would become a blur.

Without a routine, every day would just take a life of its own and there would be no repeatability to what I do.

If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend the first six of them sharpening my axe.

— Abraham Lincoln

This also indirectly prevented me from staying up late, pissing time away on nothing of value. 

2. Having a burning goal. 

With nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no one to see during the worst of the lockdown, I had a massive void during my days—but I didn’t just fill this void with entertainment.

Instead, I worked for over eight laser-focused hours a day on a select few burning goals, which allowed me to stay focused and driven and feel like I was moving forward, regardless of what was happening outside.

Functionally, a man is somewhat like a bicycle… A bicycle maintains its poise and equilibrium only so long as it is going forward towards something. You have a good bicycle. Your trouble is you are trying to maintain your balance sitting still, with no place to go. It’s no wonder you feel shaky.

— Maxwell Maltz

I could’ve just sat at home, watched videos, bought Netflix, and lounged around all day, but I probably would’ve felt worse. 

Without a goal, I would’ve had no purpose — and with no purpose, I would’ve been like a sailboat in the wind, going wherever life takes me rather than having a focus and moving toward it.

3. Measuring the gain.

…if you turn around and measure your progress against where you started, then you’re in The Gain, and you’ll experience a sense of having moved forward, of having achieved something, and you’ll be motivated to continue on to your next stage of growth.

— Dan Sullivan

Every Sunday, I took the time to review the previous week and find all my accomplishments. What did I gain? What did I build, achieve, attain, or do this week beyond the previous week?

By doing that, I could see—despite all the hardship going on around me—I was actually making real progress toward my goals. I was actually accomplishing things.

That gave me hope. That gave me joy. That gave me confidence. That encouraged and motivated me to do the same the next week. 

But if I didn’t consciously take time to do this, I would’ve failed to see all the things I achieved because I would’ve gotten caught up in the day-to-day. (In fact, by Sunday, I usually forgot most of the things I did that week.)

All the more reason, by the way, to have a few burning goals. It gave me something to achieve and, as I reviewed my achievements, it boosted my confidence and motivation and created a positive-reinforcing cycle.

If I didn’t do anything, however, I would’ve had no gains to report and I would’ve felt like I was wasting time.

4. Blocking the negativity.

Even during the worst of the pandemic, there was only so much I actually wanted to know about COVID-19: I wanted to know what the new curfew rules were (since they changed frequently with no notice) and the restrictions on movement. 

That was it.

I didn’t want to know which red circle was bigger than another red circle. I didn’t want to know which country had it worse.

I didn’t want to know how many people died today in a different continent. I didn’t want to know what was going to happen to my body if I got it. 

Nothing would change the fact that all I could do was wash my hands, wear a mask, keep my distance, and stay as healthy as I could (get good sleep, eat healthy food, reduce stress, etc.).

I was very intentional to only seek COVID-19 information so that I could make better decisions and plan ahead.

Once I did that, I closed it immediately so I wouldn’t get lost in the news and scare myself silly.

5. Facing my fears ASAP.

After the first retail stores were allowed to reopen, I walked into a clothing store to look around and chatted with the woman working there.

She spoke English better than anyone I met in the country at that point and we had a great conversation that lasted almost an hour. 

Suddenly, a car pulled up outside. She said it was her brother, the owner of the store. He came in and the two them quickly chatted in Albanian. “He’s from America and visiting,” she said excitedly to her brother.

He looked at me up and down and coldly said, “Can I help you.” I said politely I was just looking around. “No, can I help you,” he said coldly again. 

Then he said something to her sister in Albanian, looked at me, and said, “I think you should leave.” “Huh?” I thought. 

“Get out! Now!” he yelled. I was shocked. I looked at the woman confused and he angrily said, “Don’t look at her, man, or I’ll fuck you up!” (His exact words.) 

I had no idea what was going on and, honestly, I was starting to get scared. It was just him, his sister, and me in this tiny clothing store and he was blocking the entrance with a threatening posture and menacing eyes.

Did he have a weapon in his store? In his car? Who else did he know?

Everyone and everything I knew couldn’t have felt further away. 

I put my hands above my head in a surrender pose and said, “Okay! Fine! I’m leaving—I have no idea what’s going on.” He followed me outside and I said to him, “Look, I wasn’t trying to do anything.” 

“You don’t understand, I will fuck you up!” he screamed. “Don’t turn around and just leave!”

So I walked across the street and, as I took out my phone and turned around to take a picture of the store, he started walking after me so I turned around and fled. (I called the police, but they were useless.)

But here’s the thing:

The next day, I told myself that I had to walk into another store and talk to someone because I could tell I was afraid. I was scared because of that unpleasant incident, but I wanted to face up to the fear as soon as possible so I wasn’t controlled by it.

The longer I waited, the worse it would’ve gotten.

I did it and I’m glad I did. 

When something jarring happens in life, it might be tempting to sit, think, and stew about all the things that happened and what you would’ve done differently.

But nothing will replace just going back out and facing your fears again as fast as you possibly can; otherwise, the fear will control and dictate your behaviors, not the other way around. 

Facing that fear isn’t easy, but if you don’t want to be traumatized and emotionally stuck, it’s a necessary step.

6. Standing up for myself.

Obviously, when that guy threatened me, I did the right thing by getting out of the situation. But if someone’s treating you rudely for no reason and being mean to you just because they’re lashing out, respectfully stand up for yourself.

In my brief time in Albania, I’ve had people yell and gesture at me for no reason. I’ve had people make fun of me because they thought I was Chinese.

I’ve had people blame coronavirus on me. I’ve had people working at restaurants treat me like absolute dog shit just for politely ordering food. 

And I wasn’t even saying or doing anything wrong! I was just being respectful and minding my own business! 

Fortunately, I didn’t stay quiet, run home, write about it on Facebook, and try to get self-pity. 

What helped me the most was, at that moment, respectfully yet firmly saying something and letting them deal with it. 

You train the world how to treat you.

—Dr. Benjamin Hardy

You are constantly telling the universe what you will and will not tolerate. So don’t let those moments slip because, even if the other person doesn’t listen, your subconscious sure is. 

Stand right up to them. You might have to accept their rude behavior (because what’s done is done), but you don’t have to tolerate it.

That’s why I filed a police report on that store owner who threatened me. Not out of revenge, but simply because you do not do that to anyone, regardless of your culture or nationality. That kind of behavior is despicable.

7. Not trivializing myself.

When I was feeling depressed and sharing my updates on social media, some people tried to admonish me for my feelings as if I had no right to voice any negativity whatsoever because of the pandemic.

Even when I shared my situation with the store owner in a calm and fact-based manner, someone actually downplayed my experience because he thought it was just part of their culture and then further diminished it by saying he only met friendly people in Albania (and thus, I was wrong).

Are you fucking kidding me?

People will trivialize you. But don’t trivialize yourself. Don’t trick yourself and think that you did something wrong when you absolutely did not. Don’t let other people gaslight you.

Don’t deny how you really feel. Don’t block your emotions because other people don’t know how to handle them. 

People will give well-meaning advice like, “Just think positive.” But what the fuck does that even mean?

Does it mean you can’t feel angry? Does it mean you can’t feel upset? Does that mean you can’t feel confused, sad, or frustrated? Does it mean, no matter what, you just need to ignore any negativity you feel and focus on what’s positive?

Look, I’m all for positive thinking. But when you have a wave of negative emotions due to something real and painful, don’t constipate yourself and repress it.

Don’t lie to yourself that everything is okay. If you’re sad, feel sad; if you feel angry, feel angry. Let it out.

Emotions need motion.

—David Kessler

You don’t have to smash a car windshield with a baseball bat like The Big Lebowski, but just let the emotions move through you. Feel them. Hear them. 

Honor your emotions. If what you’re thinking is rational and based on clear evidence (and you’re not hurting yourself or others), let it out. Have compassion for yourself. Be your own best friend.

The funny thing is, the more you feel it, the less it controls you, and the faster it goes away.

8. Express gratitude.

I’ve taken a daily gratitude journal for over 4 years and never missed a day. 

Every night, before I go to bed, I write five things I’m thankful for that specific day and it’s been invaluable throughout the pandemic.

Even on the worst days—when I was confused, had no idea how to get permits, couldn’t communicate with people, yelled at by random people while walking down the street, etc.—I knew I could find five things to be thankful for.

Earlier in this article, I shared some negative stories during my time in Albania, but thankfully, there were positive ones as well. 

And I have the deepest and sincerest appreciation for those kind souls who helped me out when they could easily not have. 

For example, before I went to the police station to file a report, my Airbnb host told me someone working there could probably speak English. (They didn’t.)

Thankfully, a lawyer who actually spoke fantastic English happened to be visiting the station at that time and helped me for over two hours, serving as my translator and attorney when I met with an investigator. 

I made a point to thank her for her kindness and generosity. (I later found out that the store owner harassed her when he was brought to the police station to give his side of the story a few hours after I left.)

And I can’t forget the simple pleasures like successfully cooking a nice dinner and a tiny foreign kitchen, sitting on a balcony and enjoying a nice cup of coffee while watching the sunrise, or a long conversation with a good friend.

Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

9. Have good, empathetic friends.

For all the things that happened, there’s no way I could’ve handled it without close friends who were there every step of the way. 

The unfortunate truth is some friends never bothered to ask how I was doing—even when I shared my difficult stories, it was like they couldn’t give a fuck less.

But some friends will always be there for you. Not only will they pick up the phone when you call, but they’ll also listen to what you’re saying without judging and support you through the tough times.

Once I figured out who was who, I made sure to share my stories with people I knew would help. And that all the difference in the world, especially when I was alone. I also made sure to thank them for being there. 

Because they saved me.