The Most Game-Changing Lessons For Each Year of My Life So Far

Recently, I read an article by Ryan Holiday on Thought Catalog with his life rules. Some resonated with me, but A LOT did not.

And it got me thinking: “Shit, I’ve lived 27 years and developed a few rules along the way. Why don’t I write those down and share the ones that helped me most?”

And since I’m turning 28 this month, why don’t I share the 28 best ones?

So here you go. These are my life lessons broken down into five categories:

1. Life rules for living well
2. Life rules for travel
3. Life rules for social skills
4. Life rules for dating
5. Life rules for random reasons

I hope they help you as much as they’ve helped me.

Here’s to 28 great more years.

Life Rules For Living Well

When buying a new article of clothing, donate an existing one. I created this rule in South Korea after I donated about 70% of my clothing in one night. It stops me from accumulating too much clutter, lets me fit most of my life in a single suitcase, and forces me to stay true to my Stoic practices.

I’m not going to lie — getting rid of stuff involves using mental muscles you’ve never used. But once you build momentum, it’s gets a lot easier. Oh, and if I’m ever hesitating to donate something, I always ask myself: “Does someone need this more than me?”

Of course they do.

Judge NOT by beauty. “All that is beautiful is not good; but all that is good is beautiful.”

Many of you may not know this, but during my senior year of college, I dealt with crippling acne, which left me with scars, bloody pillowcases, and a whole lot of unpleasantness — I avoided photos, avoided girls (or maybe they avoided me), and dreaded going outside.

It was one of the best things that ever happened.

It taught me the importance of beauty, REAL beauty. But I also realized how badly some of the most beautiful people — the men and women who had “everything going for them” — would treat others. (Or themselves, i.e. drinking, smoking, drug use, etc.) A lot of them acted mean, cruel, and horribly to random people or simply got by on their looks. What a shame.

I also noticed that most people would do ANYTHING for a pretty face. They let them break the rules more often, give them better treatment, and bestow a better opinion upon them despite their weaknesses.

That, however, is a huge character flaw: because these people can’t separate beauty from character, integrity, or merit.

Embrace discomfort. I underdress when it’s cold, take icy cold showers, and put myself in embarrassing situations. (Jealous?)

Why? It keeps you humble, keeps you mentally strong, and liberates you if you ever want to do something uncomfortable in the future.

“The weirder it feels, the faster you’ll change.” I learned this from my college golf coach who completely rebuilt my swing during my freshman and sophomore years. If I learned a new grip, for example, he’d encourage me to exaggerate the hell out of it — that way, I’d learn it faster.

Same goes with life. As you improve yourself, things might “feel weird.” That’s good. Exaggerate it and you’ll change far faster.

Never parade your philanthropy. You will NEVER know if I ever give money, volunteer for something, or help others because I don’t want any credit for it. Some people, on the other hand, do charity because it makes them “feel good.”

I think that’s a crock of shit.

Give because it’s the right thing to do, not because you’ll “feel good” by doing it and/or subsequently letting others know you’ve done it.

Protect your time. You truly are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. So ask yourself: are they making you better or worse? Happier or more anxious? (This also includes your family.) If someone in your life isn’t a positive influence, dump them.

I know it sounds selfish — especially if they’re family members — but after following this rule for 5+ years, I can assure you it will be the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself. You don’t get your time back; why spend it with energy-sucking individuals?

Whatever you demand from life, you must demand from yourself. Want an extraordinary life? Do extraordinary things. Want ambitious friends? Become an ambitious person. Want an attractive girl? Do what you can to become attractive. The best way to live is to seek from within first.

Be happy alone. If you can’t be happy by yourself, you can’t be happy with other people. Why? Because, by definition, you’ll try to seek happiness from things outside of you — things over which you have absolutely no control. Why give up your happiness’s sovereignty?

When was the last time you went to the movies alone? Ate dinner at a restaurant alone? Visited a museum alone? Traveled alone?

There’s an incredible liberation when you can do anything you want without having to find a partner. Don’t get me wrong — I love hanging with friends and having a great time. But guess what? If everyone’s busy or no one’s interested in what I want to do, I can go and have a great time too. Better still, I can make friends there.

Never say “need.” (I learned this from Wayne Elise.) Saying “I need” implies that you have no control and something outside of you is guiding your decision. It’s better to say “I want,” which is a conscious choice.

Life Rules For Travel

When traveling a foreign country for more than a few days, get a local number. I learned this the hard way from two different girls in two different cities in Thailand. Sigh. One of these days, I’ll share the story. (I swear to God it has nothing to do with hookers or ladyboys.)

For long flights, prepare like you’re going to bed. I’ll floss, brush my teeth, rinse with mouthwash, take a shower, and put on my acne stuff before I head to the airport. That way, I’m as comfortable as possible during the flight and I’ll arrive as fresh as I can.

Wear a collar for flights. This came from a long conversation I had with a flight attendant years ago. Chatting at the back of the plane, she taught me about the days when air travel was special — when people wore suits, had TINY carry-ons, and treated each others with respect. (“Respect?!” What the fuck is that?)

Since then, whenever I fly, I try to wear a button-up shirt and a blazer. It’s cumbersome sometimes, but it’s my tip-of-the-cap to the old days.

Life Rules For Social Skills

Never tease someone to look good in front of others. Despite this being atrocious conversational etiquette, I see it all the time. Like, all the time. It might buy a few cheap laughs, but it’s a crutch and it hurts you more than it helps. It’s better to make others look good.

Because THAT is how you make friends.

Stand up and make eye contact when shaking someone’s hand. My dad always taught me to look people in the eyes when you talk to them and to give people a nice, strong handshake. It shows respect, confidence, and professionalism. Standing up when you do it — if you’re seated, of course — is something I added years later.

Same thing goes if you’re wearing sunglasses or a hat — take them off for a handshake.

Avoid sitting face-to-face. I learned this from a class taught at my college’s MBA campus. The professor, a guy who worked at Johnson&Johnson for many years, once mentioned that he had a round desk — that way, when people came in, he always sat at their side, never face-to-face.

I kept it with me.

Face-to-face is the most intimidating way to sit. (It also kills kino.) Instead, sit at a person’s side or angle yourself away slightly.

Never add attention to a blunder. I learned this from Leil Lowndes. Whenever someone breaks a glass or dish at a restaurant, you might hear a few sarcastic claps, or if you spill something on a table, someone might give you shit.

NEVER DO THAT.

It’s SO much better to ignore it or help clean up without adding attention or breaking conversation. It protects the pride of others and makes you look like a class act who doesn’t get fazed by anything. People remember that. (I know I do.)

Accept teasing. If people tease me, I just go with it. (Rule Number One of improv comedy: “Yes, and.”) Trying to fight it just ruins the flow and shows that you’re more interested in being right than being fun — two completely different things. Sure, there are assholes out there who will keep teasing you because you’ve submitted, but that’s okay. I just go with the flow, agree to their teasing, and make a mental note to never talk to them again.

Simple.

Unless it’s an emergency, never answer your phone in the middle of an in-person conversation. And I mean an emergency. Nowadays, we live in a world where it’s okay to interrupt someone to check Twitter, texting while talking, and to take a phone call during dinner.

Instead, show respect to the person you’re chatting with my giving them priority. I usually just hit the silence button mid-ring and put the phone away; I can always answer it later.

Praise in public, criticize in private. NEVER criticize someone in front of others — rather than creating a learning opportunity, you’ll only spawn resentment and hurt their ego. (Remember what happened in Full Metal Jacket?) Instead, take them aside, say what needs to be said, and move on.

As for praise, let everyone know that someone is doing a great job. Success begets success.

Life Rules For Dating

Never have sex on the first date. When I was younger, I used to think that if I played all my cards right, I could “seal the deal” on the first date. And while these were great girls, introducing intimacy too soon never led to anything good except satisfying an internal weakness (i.e. being a slave to sex).

This rule also eliminates one-night stands.

Never go the “friends” route. Gentlemen, if you like a girl, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, pursue her romantically and sexually from the get-go.

I’ve seen this from both ends. I know guys who’ve tried the “friends route” and it’s like watching a train wreck in slow-motion: they use “friendship” as a bizarre way to get close to a girl in the hopes that something happens. Guess what? NOTHING EVER HAPPENS. From the girl’s perspective, they get frustrated with your ambiguity and complain: “He wants to ‘hang out,’ but the last time we hung out, he tried to hold my hand, etc.”

What is this… 8th grade?

Look, I’m not saying you can’t be friends with girls; I’m saying that if you LIKE a girl, pursue her. Ask her out and make it crystal fucking clear that it’s a date. Even try telling them to “dress hot.” (P.S. It works.) If she starts hemming-and-hawing and saying stuff like, “I’m just not looking for a relationship right now” or “Let’s be friends first,” congratulations — she (1) isn’t that interested in you or (2) has her own issues she needs to fix.

What would you rather have: a girl string you along in your hopes that, one magical day, she’ll change her mind OR a girl that agrees to go on a date with you from the get-go?

Never ask a girl for her number unless you plan to call her. Can’t remember who I learned this from, but it’s a rule I’ll take to the grave. While girls often throw their number around the field like a cracked-out Brett Favre, guys should be far more considerate. There’s a lost art in being a gentleman and little things like “meaning what you say” should be mandatory.

Call or text after the first time you have sex with someone. I also can’t remember who I learned this from, but yeah dudes, always do this. You don’t have to write an sonnet professing your love, but a simple, “Hey, just wanted to see how you’re doing. I had a lot of fun last night and I hope you have a great rest of your day,” will do wonders. (And probably increase the chance of it happening again.)

Don’t use your title/job/achievements to get girls. While your career is important, I’ve seen guys throw everything on the line from the get-go. I run XYZ company, I have ABC job title, I played so-and-so sport professionally, I’ve traveled to all these countries, I perform in a band, etc.

I avoid this at all costs. They’ll find out eventually, but until then, I refuse to glorify my accomplishments. (1) No matter how big you think you are, you’re equal to everyone else and (2) I want girls to like me because of my character and personality, not who they THINK I am or COULD be.

Life Rules For Random Reasons

No news. Eliminating the news was, and still is, one of the best decisions I have ever made. You only have so much cognition per day; why waste it on something you have ZERO control over?

BUT ANTHONY, YOU’RE UNINFORMED!!

You call that “information?” How does it help me to know that someone in some suburb got killed in a hit and run at 3am on a Sunday morning? Or $X will be dedicated to the construction of some building I’ll never go to? Or that Pope blah blah blah did whatzit to the yadda yadda yadda?

How I feel… after watching the news.

If I asked you to list the top news stories from today, most of you couldn’t remember 40% of what you absorbed.

Meanwhile, the world keeps spinning…

Never check email or social media first thing in the morning. This is a cardinal sin of productivity because it scrambles your cognition, throws off your priorities, and creates non-existant mini-emergencies.

Taste your food before you modify it. I learned this from a few chefs. When you get your meal, don’t start adding salt, sauces, or whatever to it — take a few bites or a few sips first and THEN make your changes. It’s courteous to the chef and gives you an idea of how the chef intended to have it taste.

Live close to the action. After growing up in the faraway corner of the City of Los Angeles, then living in god-awful La Jolla, and following that with an isolated suburb in the satellite city of Incheon, I vowed to always live close to the action.

I want the excitement. I want the convenience. I want the lifestyle. I might change my mind in the future, but until then, I’ll enjoy Downtown Denver.

What did you think? Liked them? Hated them? Let me know in the comments below! Thanks!