Dear 20-something-year-old Anthony, pull up your pants and turn off that damn music.
Just kidding. (Well, not about the pants; fitted jeans are better.)
If you’re in your 20s, I envy you.
Because I’m going to share the most impactful life lessons that created my biggest successes and best memories — these are things I wish I knew that would’ve saved years of wasted effort, wondering “what if,” or following the wrong path that others forced on me.
And even if you’re in your 30s, 40s, or beyond, don’t worry: These lessons will still make a big difference. Let’s go.
1. What You Demand From Life, You Must Demand From Yourself
Want an extraordinary life? Do extraordinary things.
Want ambitious friends? Become an ambitious person.
Want an attractive partner? Do what you can to become more attractive.
The best way to get what you want in life is to create it from within first.
Too many people, however, have life backward. They want a bunch of great things — and there’s nothing wrong with that — but they don’t put in the effort to create it.
For example, they’ll say they want their dream job, but they won’t do anything to improve their skills, practice their interview questions (or even videotape themselves), or ask for advice.
Be the person you want to be, and you’ll have the things you want to have.
As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him.
— Gandhi
When I was in my early-20s, I wanted to have an extraordinary life. But living at my Mom’s house, driving hours through LA traffic to work a job I hated and hanging out with aimless friends was nothing I would consider “extraordinary.”
So I put in the work. Now? I run a successful business while traveling the world full-time — that’s a bit more extraordinary, and my life has followed suit.
2. Location, Location, Location
When I was 21, I wanted to leave my hometown of Los Angeles and move to Taipei, Taiwan.
I couldn’t find any jobs from afar (and didn’t even know where to begin), so I just decided to get a one-way ticket and make it happen — that led to seven incredible months and memories I wouldn’t trade for the world.
That’s when I learned a powerful life lesson:
It’s better just go to where you want first and then just figure it out as you go.
Many people want to move to a different city or country to enjoy its lifestyle, entertainment, and more. But they’re afraid they can’t find a job so they just stay where they are and endlessly wonder what could’ve been.
But by going to the city you want, you’ll have already crossed off one of your goals. Then, once you’re there, you’ll open up so many doors that are impossible until you arrive — you can attend networking events, go to interviews, meet locals, and build a network.
Also, by “parachuting” into your new city or country, it completely transforms your posture. You are now the person you want to be. You go from “hoping to succeed” to “doing whatever it takes to succeed.”
You’ve burned the ships. You’re fully committed. There is no going back. And people can see the fire in your eyes and will admire your story.
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.
— William H. Murray
All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.
Even if you discover that city isn’t for you, at least you figured it out now instead of spending your whole life never knowing, something the vast majority of people never do.
(By the way, taking 10 weeks or even 10 months in your youth to try something that doesn’t work isn’t a big deal; if anything, it’ll give you some amazing stories.)
However, I know people who’ve done the opposite: They chased a “great job” and moved to some city they hated. And while they did OK at work, there was a nagging sense of unhappiness, bitterness, and resentment for being someplace that they disliked.
Outside of work, they lacked a social life and were bored. Worse, they tried to delude themselves by thinking, “it wasn’t that bad,” but it was just to avoid the truth that they were unhappy.
I promise you one thing: If you go to the city you desire, try your best for several months, and go back home, you’ll see that nothing has changed and you’ll know why you left in the first place.
3. “You Are The Average Of The 5 People You Spend The Most Time With”
No factor will influence your life more than the people you surround yourself with. And if you’re around negative, unhappy, and unambitious people, they will bring you down to their level no matter how hard you try.
Fact: You cannot out-willpower your environment. If you want to change, you have to change your environment first.
Be selective with your social circle. Do they want more out of themselves and their lives? Do they push you forward?
“Surround yourself with people who remind you more of your future than your past.”
— Dan Sullivan
If someone in your life isn’t a positive influence, find ways to distance yourself and reduce the time you spend with them. It might sound selfish — especially if they’re family members — but after following this rule for over 10 years, I can promise you it will be the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself.
You’ll never get your time back; why spend it with energy-sucking people?
4. Life Happens Outside of Social Media
I used to piss away a lot of time on Facebook. But there are several important reasons why you should cut the time you spend on social media to thrive in your twenties:
First, social media floods you with a lot of negative information.
Some people you follow only share updates and news that are controversial, negative, arrogant, etc. — when you see their post, it leaves you feeling worse than before you saw it.
Mute or unfollow these people ASAP and protect your mental health.
Second, it can make you depressed and unhappy with your life.
Generally, on social media, people only share the best things in life. There’s nothing wrong with that, but as Dr. Meg Jay wrote in The Defining Decade, people start to feel unhappy with their own lives in comparison and say things like, “My life should be more like on Facebook.”
Rather than focusing on your own life, there’s a tendency to focus more on other people’s lives, draining you of energy that could be better spent achieving your dreams.
Third, limiting social media gives you more free time to actually accomplish things.
Regardless of their age, people often say they wish they had more time to travel, read, exercise, learn a language, spend time with loved ones, etc.
Yet the average person spends 2 hours and 24 minutes every day checking social media.
Something doesn’t add up. Cut out all social media for one week and see what happens. What will you do with your extra two-plus hours each day?
5. If You Can’t Be Happy Alone, You Can’t Be Happy With Other People
When was the last time you ate at a restaurant alone? Went to the movies alone? Traveled alone? A lot of people are terrified of being by themselves.
But the fear of being alone is a chain: It means people need others for their happiness, which forces them to cling and do things they normally wouldn’t do.
For example, a study found that the fear of being single is a strong predictor for “settling for less” in relationships. In this case, the fear of being alone makes them pick the closest person rather than the correct person.
You might also find yourself spending time with people you don’t really like so that you can go out on the weekends and not be alone. (I know the feeling.)
But there’s an incredible liberation when you can do anything you want without a partner.
Sure, I love my friends, but if everyone’s busy or no one’s interested in what I want to do, I can just go alone and have a great time. (Or I can make friends there.)
Now, rather than looking to others as a source of your happiness — or as a way to avoid the discomfort and anxiety of being alone — you actually bring your own happiness, which can lead to more-fulfilling friendships and relationships.
This way, you can consciously choose the people you enjoy rather than clinging to the ones that selected you, and you can even let go of people, friends, partners, etc. without fear.
6. Do Things Faster
Most people wait too long to do what they want.
I know people who’ve wanted to start a website and online business for over five years — and they still haven’t. But if they just did it five years ago, they would be finished! (Not only would they be done, but they wouldn’t have to think about it anymore and can just move to the next thing.)
Instead, they paused their life.
Everything in their life got pushed back for 5 years (and counting).
Do not fucking do this.
If you have an idea, just go for it.
Don’t wait 10 years to “write a book,” “take a trip,” “start a business,” “learn a language,” etc. Just take the first few steps now and stop thinking about it — even better, once you do it, you’ll learn a ton of things you couldn’t have possibly learned otherwise, which will help you for the rest of your life.
Measure the cost of inaction, realize the unlikelihood and repairability of most missteps, and develop the most important habit of those who excel and enjoy doing so: action.
— Tim Ferriss
7. Focus
The biggest reason why most people aren’t successful is that they don’t have a goal.
But the second biggest reason is that they have too many goals.
For example, they’re trying to start a new business, learn Spanish, play the drums, lose weight, learn the tango, travel to South America, read 100 books, and rock climb — all at once. As a result, they spread themselves too thin and don’t make real progress in any goal.
It seems honorable to have a schedule where every minute is packed, but it really isn’t. There’s no prioritization. There’s no focus. There’s no direction.
“Success isn’t that difficult; it merely involves taking twenty steps in a singular direction. Most people take one step in twenty directions.”
— Benjamin Hardy
Inspired by this article about Warren Buffet’s advice, I created 25 life goals and picked the five most important ones.
But here’s where the magic happens: I can’t touch the other 20 goals until my top five are completed.
This creates focus. This creates clarity. This eliminates feeling “overwhelmed.” You know where you’re going, you know what’s important to you, and all your energy can be concentrated on this handful of things.
It might be humbling to say goodbye to many of your life goals, but just know that by doing so, you’re actually going to move forward and take steps in a clear direction, which is something many people will never experience.
8. Invest In Yourself
The more I’ve spent on personal development, the more I’ve succeeded.
It’s vital to constantly learn and educate yourself because you cannot possibly know everything yourself. As Will Smith once said, “There are no new problems;” at some point, someone found the answer to your current issues and wrote about it in a book.
If you haven’t read hundreds of books, you are functionally illiterate, and you will be incompetent, because your personal experiences alone aren’t broad enough to sustain you.
― Jim Mattis
But personal growth isn’t just books and courses — sometimes it’s taking a trip, betting on yourself, improving your mental and physical health, learning new skills and hobbies, or just trying something different.
All of which can change the trajectory of your life.
But here’s another reason investing in yourself is so important: If you listen to most people, they’ll say as you get older, life gets harder. Maybe it’s because they’re losing their health, struggling financially, or doing things they hate (and have to suck it up).
But that’s often because they squandered their 20s and 30s.
Well time slips away
— Bruce Springsteen
And leaves you with nothing mister but
Boring stories of
Glory days, yeah they’ll pass you by
Glory days, in the wink of a young girl’s eye
Glory days, glory days
Instead, it’s far better to use your 20s (and even your 30s) to create things, build wealth, learn things, and invest in your mind and body so that you’ll be able to reap the rewards for the rest of your life.
That way, as you get older, life will just keep getting better and better.
9. There’s No Hack For Hard Work
I love hacks — productivity hacks, conversation hacks, or learning hacks are all great and can make a big difference.
But to be successful in any industry, you have to work your ass off. And there’s no hack for hard work.
What hack did Serena Williams use? What hack did Michael Jordan use?
What hack did Mozart use?
Many people say they want to have their own business, create a passive income, quit their jobs, travel the world, etc. — and that’s all great.
But if they really want something, why are they going out all weekend long? Why are they going out on Friday night and getting drunk? I thought they really wanted it — isn’t that what they tell everyone else?
But their actions and words don’t align.
Look, I’m not saying you can’t do anything fun again until you’re “successful;” I’m saying there’s no shortcut for putting in serious effort.
Now I move with aggression, use my mind as a weapon
— Meek Mill
Cause chances are never given, they tooken like interceptions
Right now, someone is going to put in that work, and they’re going to get exactly what they want and, more importantly, they’ll be able to enjoy it for the rest of their lives.
If there’s something you really want in life, get some coffee, sit down, and make shit happen.
Get used to working on Saturday nights to finish a self-imposed deadline. Get used to spending days writing just one single email to an influential person.
Get used to people giving you a puzzled look when you tell them how you spend your free time. Get used to working for several extra hours after you finished your day job on your own projects.
And get used to success.
P.S. If you know someone in their 20s who could benefit from this article, would you mind sharing it with them? Thanks!
[…] one came from author/innovator Anthony J. Yeung in an article he wrote for his blog. He […]