It all started in my senior year of college.
I was fed up.
Fed up with—well—everything.
I was struggling with lining up a job after college graduation. (This was during the Global Financial Crisis.) I was struggling with problems back at home. I was struggling with my social life. And a lot more.
Then, I had a heart-to-heart moment with myself.
(It sounds bizarre, but these kinds of moments can be really helpful.)
I asked myself, “Did I do everything I could possibly do to get the things that I wanted to get?”
The answer?
No.
I gave some effort, sure… but I left a lot on the table.
Well, then, how could I complain about my lack of results when I wasn’t even being earnest with my efforts?
How could I have a right to complain when I didn’t even use all the abilities, gifts, and strength that I had to reach the level I wanted?
I couldn’t.
And that’s when I created a motto that I still use to guide me to this day:
“You Don’t Deserve Anything In Life; You Have to Earn It.”
It’s as simple as that.
Don’t get “success” backward.
A lot of people think they deserve all these great things just for the fact of being born. Or they deserve stuff just because of “length of time” or, uh, default.
But to me, in life, if you want the things you want, you have to put in the work to go make it happen. You have to endure the difficulties and adversity that are necessary and learn how to overcome them.
Those things don’t just come; they only come through your effort and discipline.
Bottom line: You have to grow and become the kind of person who gets those things automatically.
This is an important distinction. Because when you realize that nothing is given in life, it kills the “woe is me” victimization. It eliminates any tendency to look over your shoulder or look at other people and get resentful, jealous, etc.
It also changes the responsibility of the situation and puts it squarely on you.
And to this day, this is a lesson I still have to remind myself constantly.
[By the way, I put “success” in quotes earlier because success often refers to money and possessions, but can cover so many areas in your life, whether you want to be a champion dancer, improve your marathon time, or just be the best damn parent or spouse you can possibly be.]
Look, if you want specific accomplishments in life, that’s great. I applaud you for setting a fun, meaningful, and lofty goal (because so many people skip that step).
But here’s the million-dollar question:
What are you going to do about it?
What are you going to sacrifice? How much effort are you going to give? What will you do versus all the millions of other people who literally want the exact same thing?
Here’s a simple and tangible example. Let’s say you’ve been working at a company, in a certain position for quite a few years. Some people would think to themselves, “I deserve a promotion.” Why? Well, because.
That’s why.
Then, they might see someone who hasn’t been there as long get the promotion from right under their nose.
They get mad and resentful as a result.
But what they fail to recognize—or admit—is that the other person earned it through their hard work, innovation, proactivity, leadership, etc. They didn’t take their opportunity for granted. They realized that every day was a chance to prove their worth and earn their keep.
Another example is trickier. Let’s say someone gets their promotion, achievement, goal, etc. Well, afterward, they sometimes get complacent. They “rest on their laurels.” They “go through the motions.”
And next thing you know, they lose the very thing they wanted all along.
Success is a catalyst for failure.
— Greg McKeown
In a weird way, in life, you’re constantly earning things—even the things you already have. You’re constantly showing your worth. Not to get self-approval or validation (in other words, it’s not about proving your “self-worth”), but because you know, at a certain level, you always have to bring your best.
It doesn’t matter how old you are. It doesn’t matter how young you are. It doesn’t matter how crappy your current situation is. It doesn’t matter how much money you’ve already made.
Every day is an opportunity to earn it, again and again.
To use a sports analogy, I’ve heard this said time and time again from professional hockey players: “It’s hard to get to the NHL; it’s even harder to stay there.”
Because they know, once they “make it” to a team, the hard work has just begun. Every day, they have to prove themselves. Every day, they have to play their best. Because if they don’t, they’ll quickly find themselves losing playing time, being left out of the team, and eventually getting sent away.
Now, a quick counterpoint:
Has everyone who got the things they wanted in life actually “earned” it?
Of course not.
There are many people who lucked into their situation or are grossly underqualified (and proud of it lol).
But I think the beauty of this motto is that it subtly reminds you that you can’t control other people or other situations—you can only control yourself, what you do, and what you think.
Worrying, fretting, or getting upset about everything else is just a waste of time and energy. (I’m speaking from personal experience, of course.)
Because ultimately, it falls back on your shoulders.
What are you going to do to earn it?
That answer will tell you everything.
Good luck.
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