What Everyone Ought to Know About Being Alone

Coming to Taiwan, I didn’t really know anyone. Sure, my Mother had a few friends in Taipei who helped me settle in – but they’re much older and busier. It’s pretty much just me. And since I’ve arrived, many people asked if I felt lonely or needed a friend. This post serves to compile my thoughts and better answer this question.

“I Can Make Friends.”

I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy to make friends – it really isn’t. Creating new friendships require an individual to constantly challenge themselves, demonstrate social awareness, and become vulnerable to embarrassment and rejection. However, with finding friends, there remains many options and degrees of difficulty.

With a passive approach, one maintains a sit-and-wait mentality. They hope for a brave, well-connected soul to come their way, invite them out, and open doors for them. Obviously, it’s a lot of fun when it happens – the passive method, however, focuses solely on this type of interaction.

An active approach requires more skill and courage – again, to varying degrees. For example, it takes initiative to find language exchange partners, meet friends-of-friends, or socialize with people in the same school or organization. The beauty of these networks lie in the common interests of the acquaintances-to-be. People in these circles already have similar goals or – especially in the case of friends-of-friends – possess some social proof.

Clearly, the most difficult approach involves meeting complete strangers. It takes bravery to open that conversation, skill to continue the interaction, and skill AND charisma to build rapport. From that point, one becomes exposed to the desires and actions of the potential friend. Does this person want a new friend? Will they call you back? Is he/she trustworthy? Where do you rank in this person’s network? Will he/she abandon you? Etc.

My style – or steez, if you will – combines all three. But I emphasize on the hardest because I recognize that that path develops friends and, more importantly, character. Overcoming obstacles and desensitizing myself to failure will cultivate a spirit that may reap success in the future.

“What’s Wrong With Being Alone?”

I like being alone. It affords you an opportunity to relax, ponder big questions, and develop yourself. Enormous leaps of self-improvement are only possible when you take time to dig within, see yourself truthfully, and develop remedies.

I like being with friends, as well. But I also understand the potential and beauty of aloneness.

However, I notice a tinge of pity when people ask:

“Do you have friends in Taiwan?”
“Do you eat by yourself?”
“Did you go to ________ by yourself?”
…

To those people: I understand your concern for my well-being, and I appreciate the sympathy, but you are lamenting a situation that isn’t even a problem. There is nothing wrong with doing things by yourself. In fact, oftentimes, it demonstrates confidence; you do the things YOU want, with or without company. You won’t let anything stop you – THAT exemplifies boldness. Traveling alone:

“…I’ve found is a great way to immerse myself in my surroundings. Without a partner, I have complete independence, which inspires me to meet people and find experiences that I normally wouldn’t have sought.”
– Rolf Potts, Vagabonding

Being Alone

So what is it like being alone? Is it boring? Quiet? Uncomfortable? Honestly, I cannot confine the sensation in a few words. I will say this:

This morning, as I enjoyed a bowl of congee inside a small, cozy, open-air restaurant, I sat quietly, gazing at the falling rain. I felt the cadence of the raindrops as it drummed the leaves and branches and dripped upon the old, metal roof. I savored the sweetness of the air; the rain washed my soul much like it cleans the Earth. And relaxing here – at this moment – I came to realize I only require me, myself, and I to experience such beauty and tranquility.

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