Life isn’t complicated; we make it complicated.
To help me simplify things, I have life rules—they keep you aligned with your values, guide your actions, and eliminate uncertainty. Over time, they can help you create a life you enjoy and avoid being affected by pressure or stress.
Of my many rules, there’s one that stands out as the formula to achieve great things in your life. Whether it’s wealth, health, love, etc., it has helped me time and time again to turn my desires into reality. Here it is:
Whatever you demand from life, you must demand from yourself.
Want a great job? Become great at what you do.
Want successful friends? Become successful.
Want to date someone in great shape? Get in great shape.
Want an extraordinary life? Do extraordinary things.
It’s simple: The best way to live a great life is to seek it from within first.
Your Outer World Reflects Your Inner World
This rule seems straightforward, but too often, people put the cart before the horse. They’ll want something in life, but they won’t do anything to become the kind of person who’s capable of achieving it.
Instead, they focus solely on the external world. They wonder how they can learn tricks or hacks to get things that, based on their current selves, they’re not capable of getting.
Yet if you don’t address what’s going on inside, your efforts will be futile because all your results come from the same source: Yourself.
What is your idea or feeling about yourself now? Every part of your being expresses that idea. Your vitality, body, financial condition, friends, and social status represent a perfect reflection of the idea you have of yourself.
— Dr. Joseph Murphy
Only demand from life what you’re willing to put it.
Sure, there are times you can go “out of your league” and get something above your current level. But it’s far better—and far more lasting—to learn how to improve yourself and reap the rewards from your growth. Over time, you’ll develop yourself into the kind of person who naturally has the things you want.
That way, instead of demanding that the world improves for you, you improve yourself first and your world will automatically change as a result.
A Simple Question
Here’s an easy exercise to put this all together: Take a moment to write out what your ideal life would look like. What are you doing every day? Where do you live? What do you have? Who is your partner? How do you look and feel?
Take time to think about it. Be detailed and consider what you really want, not what people tell you to want or what you think you should want.
I’ll be honest: Quite a few people resist these kinds of exercises because they think it’s too demanding, unrealistic, or restrictive — they get so caught up in how achievable it is that they miss the point. The point is to find out what’s important to you and to give you direction.
Now… once you have a solid concept of your ideal life, I want you to ask yourself a brutally honest question:
Based on who you are at this very moment, would you be able to achieve your ideal life?
“Yes” or “no.” (No “maybe.”) Be honest: Can you reach your dreams based on who you are right now?
For many, the answer will be a difficult, “No.” They’ll take an honest look at their life and see a gap between “who they currently are” and their “dream life.” But that’s okay… because it leads me to the next—and most important—step, which is the entire foundation of this life rule.
Become The Person Of Your Dreams
As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him.
— Gandhi
It took me years to discover a powerful lesson: The best way to get the life of your dreams is to become the person of your dreams.
Who do you have to become to live your ideal lifestyle? What do you need to do? Where do you have to go? How do you have to act, think, or behave?
Next, are you truly committed to becoming this person? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to reinvent yourself? If not, then how can you honestly expect to reach your dreams?
How can you demand things from life that you don’t demand from yourself? They aren’t going to magically fall on your lap. Yet countless people single-mindedly focus on “getting what they want” without realizing every journey starts from within.
Private victory precedes public victory.
— Stephen Covey
For example, I sometimes hear people complain about their dating life, yet find out they don’t do much beyond watching Netflix and drinking beer. Or they’re unhappy with themselves, putting no effort into dating, and unsure about their future.
In other words, they do absolutely nothing to improve themselves, yet they’re upset that they struggle to find good dates. But that’s like saying, “I want my dream partner, but I don’t want to do anything to get them. They should just like me for who I currently am.”
How can they complain then?
If you want more from life, then you should want more from yourself. Sure, you can’t change every single thing about yourself, but there sure as hell is a lot you can change.
Using this dating analogy, you can get in shape and improve your physique. You can improve your grooming and take better care of your appearance. You can dress better and wear things that look great on you.
And what about the countless non-physical traits? You can become more intelligent. More humorous. More social. More ambitious. More courageous. More empathetic.
All of those things are within your control. And by enhancing them, you’ll impact your results far more than if you only focused on surface-level things like your text game, your online profile, etc.
You have to ‘be’ before you can ‘do,’ and do before you can ‘have.’
— Zig Ziglar
A quick warning: I’ve seen some people push back and ask, “So I need to change my life to get a partner?!” (As if they’re changing their life just so that people will like them.)
No, it’s not for a partner—it’s for yourself. That’s what this life rule is all about. Relationships (as well as possessions, riches, awards, etc.) can come and go, but you are the only constant in life. You will always be with yourself so why not focus your effort there?
By mastering yourself, only then, will you know that you’re worthy of more—and the rest of your life will fall into place.
Change From The Inside Out
Be the person you want to be, and you’ll have the things you want to have.
Life is a movie: You’re the director and you write the script. You decide who you’re going to be. You decide the role you’ll play.
If you have goals and dreams, what are you going to do to make them happen? If you’re struggling with your life and upset with poor results, what are you going to do about it? What are you willing to sacrifice — time, effort, ego, etc. — to achieve them?
Yes, it’s much harder to demand from yourself what you demand from life. But as you build from within, improve yourself, and become the person you want to be, the odds that you’ll achieve your dreams will skyrocket.
And best of all, you’ll know you’re worthy of it.
Because you’ve earned it.
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