So much of life is completely outside of our control—the people we run into, unfortunate circumstances, our genetics, our ethnicity, and more.
Yet many of those uncontrollable things are what cause so much stress, frustration, and anxiety in life. When they seem to turn against us (as they sometimes do), it can drain our energy and block our happiness.
To enjoy more peace of mind and enhance your life, it’s vital to shift the control back into your hands so you can boost your attitude and your results. Thankfully, there’s one simple rule that can help you do so:
Controll the controllables.
I’ll explain how this works and how you can take control of the most important levers in life for much more happiness and success.
Why It’s So Valuable
Problems occur when we focus too much on the “uncontrollables” in life — the things completely outside of our control like the weather, how other people act, and random external obstacles.
We start getting more emotional, which impairs our focus and clarity. Then, as we direct our energy on those limitations and barriers, we gradually feel more like a victim — once that happens, we lose our ability to be proactive, we feel more helpless, and we create a negative-reinforcing loop of bitterness and resentment that the world isn’t fair.
That’s why it’s so critical to “control the controllables.”
For all the things outside of our control, there are still plenty of things completely within our control to help us live better lives. In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey refers to this as the “Circle of Influence”—the parts of your life that you can impact either directly or indirectly:
“Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase.
Reactive people, on the other hand, focus… on the weakness of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have no control. Their focus results in blaming and accusing attitudes, reactive language, and increased feelings of victimization. The negative energy generated by that focus, combined with neglect in areas they could do something about, causes their Circle of Influence to shrink.”
As you dedicate your full effort to those controllables, you can start to make the most of your life, feel empowered, take action, and live life on offense, not defense.
I’ll be honest: It isn’t easy. Because when you’re fed up with things beyond your control that mess up your life, it’s frustrating as hell. (I know the feeling.) But it’s in those moments that you really need to dig deep and direct your energy toward the few things that are still in your control and make the most of them.
By doing so, you shift the power back into your hands, give yourself the best chance to succeed, and create a positive-reinforcing cycle.
How to Control the Controllables
What are the controllables in life? What are the levers we can pull to be happier, healthier, and more successful?
Here are my five most impactful controllable in life—if you manage them well, I’m confident you will watch your results soar.
Your Work Ethic
You control your work ethic. You control your effort. You control when you’re “done.” No one else.
Often, you’re only limited by yourself. For example, many people stop after they “try their best,” but “trying your best” is relative. One person’s “best” could be 10 times more than another person’s “best” because the lower person never pushed themselves before.
Remember: You are only as good as the standard you apply to yourself. If you hold yourself to a higher standard, your results will reflect it too.
Instead of capping yourself at your best, look to people more successful than you. They might be doing far more than you currently are, which will recalibrate your ceiling and transform your expectations, what you think is possible, and how far you can go.
“The mind is the limit. As long as the mind can envision the fact that you can do something, you can do it, as long as you really believe it 100 percent.”
— Arnold Schwarzenegger
Seizing Your Opportunities
In life, you’ll get a few chances to show what you can do, what you’re capable of, or why other people should trust you. Whatever opportunity you get, however small, make the most of it. Don’t just “wing it;” otherwise, your chance will come and go.
The first time Jerry Seinfeld was invited on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, he knew it could transform his entire life. That’s why he didn’t just half-ass it; he practiced his five-minute monologue over 100 times and even ran 5 miles a day for a month just to have enough energy for his big moment—and when it finally arrived, he crushed it.
Even a tiny opportunity is better than nothing. It might not be ideal, but you can’t wait for a “better” shot because it might not come until you make the most of your smaller one. You still have a chance in front of you — what do you do with it is up to you.
Your Self-Improvement
Even if uncontrollable factors are stacked against you, you can always work to become the best version of yourself.
For example, as a short Asian-American man, my dating statistics are terrible. But while I can’t control that reality or other people’s preferences, I can control what I do with my life. I can control my physique, grooming, fashion, and more; I can be more humorous, a better communicator, more charismatic, a better listener, etc. And by empowering myself and improving those things, I boost my mindset and increase my odds of success.
No one is stopping you from improving your life. If you don’t know something, you can learn it; if you can’t do something, you can get someone to coach you. Once you do, you’ll reap the rewards for the rest of your life.
Your Attitude
I’ve never met a single person — no matter how rich, successful, healthy, etc. — who has been able to avoid any misfortune in their life.
The key difference, however, is that when misfortune happens, successful people have an incredible attitude. Sure, they might get angry or sad at times, but they also see adversity as a challenge, an opportunity to grow, and more.
“Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
— Dr. Viktor Frankl
Even when you’re going through really difficult times, it’s critical to keep believing in yourself, especially when no one else believes in you. It sounds corny, but you almost have to trick yourself into believing there’s a grander vision—beyond your current situation—because it will give you the faith, drive, and motivation to achieve it.
Your Integrity
In life, they can take away your health, your money, and your family, but they can’t take away your integrity. It’s always with you.
You always control your integrity—and it’s something you should strive to control. How you treat other people. How you keep your promises. How trustworthy you are. How you live in alignment with good values and morals.
Also, deep down, you always know when acting with integrity or not. Sure, it’s harder when you’re tired, under pressure, or surrounded by people who are unethical; but it’s in those moments that you can still control your behavior and your actions.
Over time, how you act that will shape who you are.
Control your integrity and tremendous things will happen.
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