Despite traveling the world for almost two straight years by myself, I almost never feel lonely—except for one situation.
It’s not when I see couples holding hands. It’s not when I see groups of friends laughing together. It’s not when I’m dealing with an injury and have to figure out how to do everything myself.
It’s when I’m walking down a busy street and I notice I’m the only person who’s in the “here and now.”
Looking at others, I can tell everyone is mentally somewhere else—in the future, in the past, thinking about something else, or trying to be in another place. They aren’t on the street with me; they’re someplace far, far away.
How can I tell?
It’s actually quite easy.
When they walk, they drift from left to right, completely oblivious of everything and everyone in front, behind, or beside them. Their faces are expressionless and they seem unaware of their surroundings.
When they walk, many of them are glued to their phones—when the light turns green at a crosswalk, they don’t move because they even haven’t noticed. They’re talking on the phone. They’re listening to music. They’re thinking about something else.
It’s not bad or anything, but I feel lonely when I see that.
Because I feel like the only person in the present moment.
The Answer to Our Problems Isn’t Where We Think
We all spend a lot of time in our heads. Researchers from Canada, in fact, found that the average person has around 6,200 thoughts per day.
We’re constantly stressing, worrying, planning, or questioning things, yet many of those things aren’t even real or didn’t even happen yet. Maybe it’s having an imaginary argument with your boss. Maybe it’s worrying about what will happen three months from now. Maybe it’s mentally criticizing someone for something you think they’ll do.
But while we’re stuck in our heads deliberating or brooding over countless issues, the powerful truth is that the solution to them isn’t where we think.
It’s where I am.
It’s in the here and now.
The answer to so many of our problems, stresses, and worries is to return to the present moment and actually see the magic of our existence with crystal clear clarity.
If, then, I were asked for the most important advice I could give, that which I considered to be the most useful to the men of our century, I should simply say: in the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you.
― Leo Tolstoy
The present moment is all we have. It’s the only opportunity to do something and take action. It’s the only moment where you’re truly living.
Yet for as infinitely expansive as the past and future are, the present moment is razor-thin—it happens instantaneously and, by being stuck in your own head or lost in your thoughts, you’ll miss it.
How to Stop Getting Stuck In Your Head
By coming back to the present moment and by not spending so much time in your head, you no longer stress and upset yourself about all kinds of things, most of which you can’t even control.
The solution to avoid getting lost in your thoughts, however, isn’t thinking about the “here and now” or forcing yourself to “be present;” it’s about quieting the mind. It’s about focusing your mind on what’s around you and becoming fully immersed in the moment. It’s also recognizing when you’ve drifted off or are having an internal dialogue and returning to yourself.
Ironically, the more you try to force this to happen, the more likely it is to not; but once you let go, you’ll soon find yourself in this elusive state of being.
Quieting the mind means less thinking, calculating, judging, worrying, fearing, hoping, trying, regretting, controlling, jittering or distracting. The mind is still when it is totally here and now in perfect oneness with the action and the actor.
—W. Timothy Gallwey
This unlocks a peak experience where you become deeply immersed in what you’re doing, lose track of time, and feel at one with the world.
The truth is many of us are so busy thinking about all our obligations, problems, worries, goals, and more that we forget what life really is. And in my life, when I finally stop thinking about something else and actually pay attention to what’s in front of me, I can see beauty all around me—and I can actually see life itself.
Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.
— Allen Saunders
Life, my friends, really is good. The sound of a bird. The brilliant masterpiece of a setting sun. The soft drumming of raindrops on the roof of a building. A heartwarming conversation with a friendly stranger.
But what do many of us choose to focus on? The “shitty state” of the world? The “idiots in Washington?” (There’s always an “idiot” in Washington, right?) An annoying coworker? Our fantasy team?
Death will take our lives eventually and all the stuff we worried about will continue long after we go. So why worry and stress about them?
In the meantime, while we’re still here, why not make the most of life and savor all the moments we do have?
There’s so much joy in the world.
Don’t miss it.
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