Some personal trainers say that finding a client is like picking up a girl.
Imagine you’re on a gym floor hunting for lead. Find someone. Spark a conversation. Get their number. Book an appointment. Then, boom — a client. Just like picking up a girl, right?
Not quite.
I never liked that analogy. To me, finding a client is business while finding a girl is bidness. Here are the top reasons why (in no particular order):
1. In the gym, I’m less fit than other trainers. Sad, but true.
2. No fashion sense. I wear a uniform that’s too big because they’re out of size “small, but still growing.”
3. Can’t use cocky and funny. Especially on dudes twice my age… or can I?
4. No-go on kino. I don’t want a sexual harassment lawsuit. Or get attacked by a covert krav maga instructor.
5. In real life, their first reply isn’t, “can you change the channel?” Sure, let me find someone else to change it to The Kardashians while I jump out the window.
6. “Do you come here often?” isn’t an opener — it’s a survey. “Four times a week!”
7. In real life, less people wear headphones. Turn down for what?
8. People already know my name. “Wait… you’re not ‘Suzy.'”
9. The cliche “Don’t worry — you’ll never see her again” is useless. Same time next week, ma’am?
10. I don’t weigh my dates.
11. In real life, my appointments are never at 6am in the fucking morning. Unless everything went according to plan.
12. No good night kiss. “Pucker up, sir.”
13. I never end dates with, “Here are my prices.” At least, not usually.
14. The old, rich men already bagged the hot ones. Zing!
That’s what you get for mixing business and pleasure.
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