A few months ago, I sat at the outdoor section of a coffee shop and chatted with a girl. We talked about random things when she said, as sort of a throwaway line, that “life was hard.”

“Do you think life is hard?” I asked with a smile.
“Sometimes,” she replied. “Do you think life is easy?”
“Yeah?”
“Oh! How do you do that? What are some of your tricks?”

Well, I don’t really have any “tricks.” I just try to maintain the right mentality — as hard as that is sometimes — and maximize everything in my control. Sure, I slip up sometimes and make things harder than they have to be, but I’m still learning and trying to make progress on my own battles.

At any rate, to me, having an easy life falls into having two things:

Perspective and control.

I’ll start first with perspective.

– Perspective –

Perspective is accurately understanding one’s position in society, the world, the universe, and your life as a whole.

It’s also the foundation where everything else I based on.

Appreciate Everything

Lets start with the basics:

• I can walk
• I can see
• I can talk
• I can hear
• I’m free of significant illnesses
• I can live without anyone’s assistance

Sounds like I have it fucking SUH-WEET.

Now, this isn’t to settle for mediocrity. Welp, no need to achieve anything in life because I have two eyeballs. Thanks, Anthony!

It’s merely a lifestyle that helps you value all the privileges we have. I could be living in squalor in some village whose water supply is tainted with fecal matter and the average lifespan doesn’t go above 40.

The only difference is a roll of the dice from Fortune.

As I’m writing this section, I’m sitting at the outdoor section of a coffee shop in a very upscale area with a lot of foot traffic. (I didn’t buy anything, truthfully; that’s why I’m sitting outside.) There are patios — or terrasses as the Frenchies say — with all types of delicious fine dining and, hell, some of the best restaurants in town.

Yet, I can overhear a lot of people bitching and moaning about some negative crap in their lives — “so-and-so is a dick,” “my boss is mean,” “my food is bland,” “that show sucked,” etc.

It makes a guy want to commit hara-kiri with a chopstick.

This is a perfect example of an utter lack of perspective in your life. You’re sitting at one of the nicest restaurants in town… and you can’t even enjoy it. But what else do we take for granted everyday? The chicken that’s defrosting in your sink? Your awesome friends?

There’s a guy in my building who got hit by a car and lives his life in a wheelchair. And I’m complaining when something doesn’t go my way?

The “Bad” Is Rarely That Bad

As my buddy always says, “If XYZ is the worst thing to happen to you all day, you must have a pretty good life.”

Whether something is good or bad depends on how you look at it. Oh, you got fired?! That’s terrible!! Well… if you say so. Wow, you got a raise?! That’s so awesome! Well… if you say so. There’s a quote from Epictetus that really hammers this mindset:

Men are disturbed NOT by the things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen.

— Epictetus

Bad? Good? If you say so.

A few months ago, I went to the ER. But I actually had a great time: the doctor was very friendly and helpful and I left feeling a lot better and confident about my own health. Bad? Good?

Another thing to consider: when we say something was “bad” or that we had “bad luck,” what we’re REALLY saying is: “I didn’t get what I wanted.”

Poor me.

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.
— Philippians 4:11-12

(I’m not religious by any means, but that’s a good quote.)

Look Around You

While I was walking around a park recently, I saw a few couples walk hand-in-hand, laughing and sincerely enjoying each other’s company.

It put a smile to my face! Life really is good. The sound of a bird. The brilliant masterpiece of a setting sun. The soft drumming of raindrops on the roof of a parked car. A conversation with a friendly stranger.

There’s so much joy in the world.

But what do the lot of us choose to focus on? The “shitty state” of the world. (Whatever that means.) The “idiots in Washington.” Our body. Our job. Unemployment.

I’m not saying don’t try to remedy social, cultural, or political problems. But imagine if we did that while feeling happy instead of feeling angry. How much deeper and more-effective will the change be?

Nothing Really Matters

This sounds a bit nihilistic, but allow me to let my homeboy, Seneca, take it from here.

Me: “Seneca?”
Seneca: “What’s gully?”
Me: “Preach, son.”
Seneca: “Mic check, one, two, one, two…”

I take a lot at myself and address myself in these terms: “All that I’ve done or said until now counts for nothing. My showing to date, besides being heavily varnished over, is of paltry value and reliability as a guarantee of my spirit. I’m going to leave it to death to settle what progress I’ve made… Away with the world’s opinion of you — it’s always unsettled and divided. Away with the pursuits that have occupied the whole of your life — death is going to deliver the verdict in your case.

— Seneca

Death is going to take my life eventually. Yes, my friends, I’m going to die. All the shit that I worried about or stressed me out will continue long after I go. But because death is going to “deliver the verdict in [my] case,” why worry and stress about things? Why not just do things that I want to do and enjoy the only life on Earth that I’ll have?

That’s not to say I’m going to knock over a liquor store because “nothing really matters;” but why worry about “what they’ll say” if I decide to travel the world, start a business, or take risks to improve my life.

If I’m going to die no matter what, why not make the most of my time on Earth?

That’s why perspective is so important.

– Control –

Control, for the sake of this article, is how much dominance we exercise over the things that are directly in our control.

Optimal living, thus, happens when you can accurately see what’s in your control and act accordingly.

I Focus On What I Can Control

“Zomg, Anthony, did you hear what so-and-so political celebrity tweeted today?!”

Uhh. No?

Can I control that directly or indirectly? Of course not. So why aggravate myself about it? Or why alter my opinion of the world (i.e. “the world sucks”) based on something that has zero impact on my life?

Focus is all I have. Thus, I need to be stingy with it in order to give priority to the things that are truly important. (My health and skills sets are good examples.)

I have control over those. (Maybe not 100%, but a good chunk of control.) The error, however, happens when we overlook that things we have GREAT control over — our happiness, our social skills, our professional development, etc. — and, instead, empower the things we DON’T.

I can’t control others. I can’t control “acts of God.” I can’t control the weather.

So why focus on it? It makes life harder.

I Don’t Live For Others

This might sound arrogant or selfish, but here goes:

I live for myself.

Yes, it’s true. I don’t live for what my parents think, what my family thinks, what my friends think, what society thinks, what some TV show thinks, what my religion thinks, or what some girl thinks.

I define my life.

Taken further, I doubt it’s possible to have “an easy life” if I always lived for others. Why? Because life would be a constant stream of anxiety. Am I living up to THEIR standards? Am I doing what everyone ELSE wants me to do? Am I renouncing what I want to satisfy the whims of people who — quite possibly — don’t really give a flying fuck what I do with my life?

I don’t waste my time impressing others, “keeping up with the Joneses,” or comparing myself to others.

But Anthony, everyone can’t just do what they want! Well, what if everyone felt like that?!

(Sadly, I’ve actually heard this response before.)

To answer the first part, says who? You? Have you tried?

To answer the second part, allow me to quote another blog:

In case you can’t tell, this argument is rather flawed. It’s structure is as follows:

A: I want to do X.
B: If everyone did X, the result would be bad. Therefore, you shouldn’t do X.

This argument makes no sense. Your actions are clearly not going to change everyone else’s actions.

Example: replace “do X” with “eat a tunafish sandwich”:

A: “I want to eat a tunafish sandwich.”
B: “If all 6.7 billion people on this planet ate tunafish sandwiches, then there would be no more tunafish! Therefore, you shouldn’t eat tunafish sandwiches.”

See what I mean? It’s ridiculous because whether or not you do some action, others will do otherwise.

I Work Hard On Myself

“Life gets harder as you grow older so have fun now.”

Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Life gets easier as you grow older — as long as you put in the work when you’re young to reap the rewards in the future. Then, to use a financial analogy, you can spend the rest of your years earning the interest and dividends from all the effort you put in when you was younger.

• I don’t have to read a bunch of books, but I do. I want to learn insights than can help me for years to come, financially, career-wise, emotionally, philosophically, etc.
• I don’t have to workout several times a week, but I do. I want to build a strong, healthy body to enjoy now AND when I’m 57.
• I don’t have to save money for the future, but I do. I want to have a safety net, buy a house one day, travel, etc.
• I don’t have to try to start businesses or take on more projects than I could potentially handle, but I do. Sometimes it’s good to burn the candle at both ends, especially if you love what you’re doing.

And you know what’s crazy? When I work hard myself, I feel great. There’s a certain confidence in life because I know I have the ability to get shit done. If I’m not good at something, I’m confident I can learn. If I try something and fail, I’m confident I can bounce back and get things back on track.

In other words, it makes life easier.

Prepare For The Worst

I talked about negative visualization before, but it’s worth mentioning again.

Negative visualization has been HUGE in helping me feel happier and more appreciative of this life I have. A lot of the angst we have in this world when “bad things happen” comes from the shock; it literally surprised us because we never considered that it could happen.

People, please. “Bad things” happen to everyone. No one is immune from the fury of Nature and Fortune. Why pretend that we’re invincible? Why pretend that nothing can go wrong?

Prepare for it. Then, when things fuck up as they occasionally do, we can calmly take action and remedy the situation.

I hope I never lose my vision, but maybe I will. Who knows? I accept that it’s a possibility and I’m mentally prepared for it. It also makes me grateful that, in the meantime, I can see pretty damn well.

Negative visualization, however, is NOT the subconscious desire to want bad things to happen. Gee, let me park my car on the train tracks to negatively visualize what it would be like to break all the bones in my body!

Avoid Anchors

I avoid people who are overly critical, contemptuous, and negative at all costs, regardless of how close they are to me.

Here are examples of toxic mindsets to avoid: one and two.

But it’s not just the critics; it’s also the people who are arrogant, self-centered, insular, rude, or ignorant. Hell, it’s also the people who, when “bad things” inevitably happen, their world collapses and they refuse to be consoled. (I see this frequently.)

The latter is a huge turn-off.

Start Now

I made this mistake while working at Equinox (which I might write about in a future article).

You don’t have to wait to enjoy “the easy life:” you can start right now. You don’t have to wait for that perfect moment — the stars will never align and all the traffic lights won’t all turn green at the same time. Just start now.

At Equinox, however, I wouldn’t let myself be happy or have an easy life. Instead, I mired myself in the negativity of my job and career prospects and paid the emotional price.

Learn from my mistakes.

Remember: it’s all about perspective and control.

For those who want a quick suggestion, here’s one that always helps me:

Once you finish reading this article, put away your phone, turn off your computer, and turn off the TV. Put on some comfortable shoes, pack a good book and a bottle of water in a backpack, open your front door, and start walking. Explore your neighborhood or explore a different neighborhood. Leave the headphones at home. Listen, look, and feel. Smile at the people you see on the street. (And don’t be surprised if they smile back!) Find a nice sunny spot, have a seat, and crack open your book.

Lather, rinse, and repeat as necessary.

A Final Word Of Caution, Though

There is one difficult thing about living an easy life that I NEED to mention, however, just in case you think it’s all butterflies and rainbows:

You will feel alone.

Life has changed a lot for me in the few years or so — the world still looks the same, but everything has a different feel.

But finding people who feel the same and who see — and WANT to see — the world in the same way is hard.

There are more people than not who believe that “life is tough,” that life is meant to be suffered through. And that you have to watch your back at every turn because people will try to cut you down.

Really? Who says “life is tough?” Why do we believe this bullshit?

What’s bothering you right now? Is it really that bad?

As John Lennon said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”

I agree.

Don’t miss it.

Let me know what you thought in the comments below. Oh, and if you found these tips helpful or think your friends would find this useful, please share it with them — I’d really appreciate it. Thanks!