“Where Have All The Good Guys Gone?”

I recently had a great conversation with my Uber driver on the way to the Denver International Airport for my trip to Chicago.

He was an older gentleman named Dennis and we talked about various things. Soon, the conversation shifted to dating.

“I pick up a lot of girls from the airport,” he said, “and they always ask me, ‘Dennis, where can I find the good guys?’”

I almost fell out of my seat when I heard that (but I didn’t because I always wear my seat belt).

Gentleman, this is PRECISELY what I’m talking about.

There are a few inherent problems to this.

[NOTE: I’m referring to “good guys,” not “nice guys” who supplicate themselves and end up like a doormat with thumbs.]

First is that many girls have at least one good guy in her life that wants to date her. She, for various reasons, however, has either explicitly or implicitly said that this particular dude has a better chance of winning the Kentucky Derby than getting into her pants. Don’t bullshit the bullshitter (aka me). ALMOST EVERY GIRL has some dudes in her social circle who are probably good people and have a crush on her, but she just doesn’t want them.

Second is that any idiot knows where to find “good people.” Before I wrote this, I saw several scantily clad females in high heels walk down the block to the bars and clubs at 11:30pm on a Wednesday night. Let me tell you something, if that’s where you’re going to meet “good people,” you’ll be sorely disappointed. Sure, some good people are there, but it’s largely a meat market with dim lighting, loud music, and expensive drinks. What about places like bookstores, museums, libraries, community events, work functions, art galleries, group classes, workshops, boutique gyms, etc.? I’m sure there are quite a few “good men” who enjoy those places… why not search there?

The final point is the most important (and also incorporates the first two). Right now, off the top of my head, I know at least a handful of single, great guys — guys who are smart, funny, ambitious, successful, who have good control of their emotions, and who treat people well. (Hold on to your hats, ladies!) Let’s say I set up these women who want to know “where the good guys are” with my friends. What do you think will happen?

“Well, he’s just not my type.” (Not attractive enough, perhaps?)
“We didn’t click.” (Not attractive enough, perhaps?)
“The conversation didn’t flow well.” (Not attractive enough, perhaps?)
“There wasn’t a spark.” (Not attractive enough, perhaps?)
“I’m not attracted to [insert race here] guys.” (Not attractive enough, perhaps?)

These are all things I’ve heard women say, by the way.

But these are “good” guys! (Trust me, they’re some of the greatest people I know and are, you know, way better than me.) I thought these ladies wanted “good” guys?

THEN Y U NO LIKE HIM…?

Could it be that these particular ladies are being facetious?

Could it be when they say they “want good guys,” that’s actually code for “hot guys who happen to have some good qualities?”

And even then, could it be that they can’t have too many good qualities because there still has to be some “bad boy” element as well? And if they met an attractive guy with all those qualities, could it be a turn off if he wasn’t good at texting, didn’t travel as much as them, wasn’t spontaneous, or had different hobbies? Could it actually be that they have no idea what they really want at all?

Perhaps, these ladies simply don’t want a good guy. They’ll say they do, but then they’ll continue to date “bad boys,” who are assholes with no prospects for success but who’s “FUN.” Then, they’ll turn 35 and wonder where they’re halcyon days went.

Guys, I loathe when women say, “Where can I find Good Guys?” because it shifts the problem onto men as if all the “good guys” disappeared in the Drought of ’69 and the Great Good Guy Famine of ’73 and all that was left were dried lakes, tumbleweeds, and bad men hiding behind cacti.

Yet, let’s flip the question: what are these particular women doing to become “good girls?”

What if these types of women (notice I say “these types of woman” because there are plenty of girls who are great people and do NOT lack this sort of common sense) started asking, “Where can I find good-looking guys with some good qualities, some moldable bad qualities, and various strange, intangible assets?” They’d sound… ludicrous.

Well, it’s better than how they’re sounding now.

You know, when I travel, I never fail to find good people. (Double negative alert!) Never. I always meet awesome people and we sometimes even maintain our friendship despite our short encounter and a huge difference in time zones. For example, in New York — notorious for their “rude people” — I’ve met some of the coolest, friendliest people from all the five boroughs (even the Bronx). Hell, I’ve even met awesome people who didn’t even speak the same language and the only way we communicated was through body language and exuberance.

But imagine if I went somewhere and started saying that I couldn’t find any nice people or “good girls.”

Well, I’d sound awfully whiny for sure, but where would the problem lie — the girls or me?

The answer is simple.

I would be the fucking problem.

If I can’t find good people in a city like Chicago (which I did, of course), the problem isn’t Chicago… the problem is me! If I couldn’t find any good girls in Chicago (which I did, of course), the problem isn’t Chicago… the problem is me!

There are good people everywhere, folks.

So to answer the question, “Where can I find good guys,” the answer is simple:

They’re at same place they’ve always been.

You just have to see it for the first time.